Reply to: Note 1 posted by Reltubydoc After rereading, I noticed that I made a terrible mistake. It came to my attention that something was wrong when I saw a vote. I included Vladia as a voting option, even though she was already eliminated! That voting option should've been Tzadkiel. So yeah, I'm a dumbass, Vladia's not up for voting, and I'm still a dumbass. Oh, and just to make it clear, you guys (the players of Aardwolf who take the time to read my crap) are the ones who vote! Vote by sending me a tell or a personal note.
showing 50 most recent notes by Reltubydoc
Re: BF1g15: Year Of The Dog Fight!!!
Wednesday, March 6, 2019 @ 04:57
BF1g15: Year Of The Dog Fight!!!
Monday, March 4, 2019 @ 05:05
Noegel and Liber are chilling near the ruins of Ivar's pub. Liber: "Why didn't we go to Snooky's?" Noegel: "Well, that place is also in ruins. There was kinda a riot when DarkCop was eliminated." Liber: "Makes sense. So, is anything gonna happen ever again?" Noegel: "I'm bored too! Why not just do something fun?" Liber: "What do you have in mind?" Noegel drags an Incinerator Bot into the room! Liber: "Noegel! Why would you do that?! Why would you," Incinerator Bot's pierce hits Liber (13!) Noegel: "Must be faulty." Incinerator Bot's fireball does unbelievable things to Liber (1531225)! Noegel: "Never mind." Incinerator Bot: "Feed. Me. Chaos. Portals." Incinerator Bot leaves west. Noegel: "Maybe we should've gone to Snooky's." Meanwhile... Chich is at Snooky's pub. Chich: "You think you could get me another beer?" Fiendish: "On it." Fiendish casually walks around the bar, then suddenly comes back with a beer. Fiendish: "You're welcome." Incinerator bot arrives from the east. Fiendish: "Cool. Did you summon that thing?" Chich: "Why would I do that?" Fiendish: "Who else would've done it?" Noegel runs in from the east. Noegel: "I don't think I've made a single bad decision today." INCINERATOR Bot's fireball does unbelievable things to Noegel (255,236,433)! Snooky: "Oh, you'll be payin for that!" Incinerator Bot: "Must. Have. Chaos. Portals." Incinerator Bot grabs Snooky and the beer and they both get incinerated. Incinerator Bot: "Delicious." Incinerator Bot's Pierce does unbelievable things to Fiendish (95766)! Fiendish: "Good thing I'm an imm." Fiendish disappears. With a thunderclap, Lasher appears in the room! Lasher: "Hold on. Is that a bot I see? I'm not having any of that. YEET!" Lasher throws the Incinerator Bot out the window, then leaves. Chich: "What has this show come to?" Meanwhile... The rest of the contestants enter the elimination area... well, except Maerchyng, since he's still dead. Ivar: "Ok, bitches. Time for elimination." Pixie: "But Maerchyng's dead body is still in the mantion. And we're also missing Noegel, Chich, Snooky and Liber." Ivar: "Whatever." Chich runs in from the south. Chich: "Noegel, Liber and Snooky are also dead." Noegel appears out of nowhere. Noegel: "What? No I'm not." Some crazy shit happens and everyone comes back to life. Ivar: "Hello and welcome back to Bitch Who Got The Most Votes Gets Kicked Off The Show Time. It's the new name for the elimination. I'm pissed, because we got less votes than last time. And also because a lot of you are late. Claire is out." Liber: "Wait, where's all the energy, the suspense, all that stuff?" Ivar: "I had that 3 hours ago when you SHOULD'VE been here. But no! You were playing around with an Incinerator Bot! I made paper planes while I was waiting for you to show up, but you never did! You know how many Academy Leaflets I used?" Maerchyng: "You were using Academy Leaflets?!" Noegel: "But if we don't have a propper elimination. We won't get as many views as we always do." Ivar: "Ok. Ok. Your prises are Leftover Academy leaflets. Noegel's safe, Liber's safe, Dog's safe, Tzadkiel's safe." Ivar throws leaflets at the safe contestants. Ivar: "Snooky, Claire. Any potential final words?" Snooky: ?(censored racial slur)." Claire: "Oh my, like, god!" Ivar: "Claire is eliminated!" Claire: "This is, like, so unfair!" Glimmer: "No! Claire!" Pixie: "You don't need her." Claire: "Yes I do! She's my wife, remember?!" Ivar: "Whatever. Let's get on with the show." Claire: "I'll never forget you, Glimmer!" Ivar throws Claire into the LOL, just to prove he is a god! Ivar: "Congrats on making it this far, bitches.". You're the final 10." Chich: "Woo hoo." Bob: "Radical!" Ivar: "And this means we've entered a new stage in the competition!" Glimmer: "What do you mean?" Ivar: "Well, you know those teams that you guys formed in episode 2?" Flashback... Liber: "Our team should be called," Dog: "Woof!" Snooky: "I've got a great name!" Starling: "Shut up, ninja!" Flashback ends. Liber: "The good old days, when Rel's content sucked even more than it does now." Ayla (still in the LOL): "Stop breaking the 4th wall!" Ivar: "Oh, yeah. Anyway, those teams are no more. You'll be playing to win for yourself from now on." Tzadkiel: "So, what's the challenge?" Ivar: "Oh, yeah. Since I've been making paper planes all day, the challenge is to get in these actual planes and shoot each other down. The last person in the air wins." Everyone gets in a plane. After 3 hours of flying around and doing nothing... Maerchyng: "I don't approve of this." Snooky: "Well, I don't approve of yo attitude!" Snooky opens fire on Maerchyng! As his plane falls to the ground, Maerchyng starts singing How Could This Happen To Me? Suddenly, a police helicopter appears. Snooky: "Oh, you've got to be kiddin me!" Snooky shoots down the helicopter, which gives Liber enough time open fire. Just as Liber shoots down Snooky, his plane and Dog's, which was literally just flying in a straight line, collide. Bob is shot down by Glimmer, who proceeds to team up with Pixie to take out Tzadkiel and Chich. Suddenly, Glimmer's plane is hit by a flying Incinerator Bot! Glimmer: "I've been hit! Pixie! It's up to you!" Pixie: "Ok." PIXIE lands, digs through the debris and finds Dog's lifeless corpse. Pixie: "It's called a dog fight for a reason!" She throws Dog at Noegel. Noegel dodges the incoming projectile and shoots Pixie down. Ivar: "And Noegel wins the first individual challenge!" Some crazy shit happens and everyone comes back to life. Ivar: "So, vote for either Chich, Liber, Snooky, Dog, Vladia, Maerchyng, Pixie, Glimmer or Bob to leave the show.
BF1G 13: Wishing Upon A Fallen Star... ling!!!
Tuesday, January 22, 2019 @ 03:43
Ivar: "Ok, bitches. Let's start the year off right with an epic," Chich: "We already had the new year epic resets." Liber: "Yeah, it's kinda been a while since that happened." Noegel: "Wait, you agree with him?" Liber: "I'm only stating facts, Noegel." Glimmer: "#FAKENEWS!" Chich: "Liber, you know I have to have some of that humpahol every once in a while." Liber: "Humping Noegel for 24 hours straight should not be classed as "every once in a while"." Ivar: "Ok, ok. Enough chit-chat. Time for the first elimination of the year." Claire: "Wait, there's gonna be an elimination?! Oh my god! I am so not ready!" Noegel: "You don't remember? Tzadkiel won the spooky scary mansion challenge last Christmas. Still should've been a Halloween special." Maerchyng: "Well, it was, but Rel was sorta," Ivar: "Seriously, guys. Shut up." Starling: "Yeah, let's get things over with." Ivar: "Last time, Tzadkiel was the last surviving contestant in the Totally Not Haunted House, so The Ninjas were put up for voting. And, surprisingly, we actually got votes." Fiendish: "You're welcome." Ivar: "Without further ado, let's get down to business. The prizes this time are cooked sprites." Glimmer: "Oh my god! Stop the sprite abuse!" Ivar: "These were supposed to go to the LOL prisoners, but seeing as though Toneloc was able to deal with the live sprites no problem, you get them instead, because you don't suck that much." Snooky: "Who you saying sucks, Ivar?!" Ivar: "Ugh! Stop interrupting me! Sprites go to Maerchyng, Chich, Bob and Pixie." Ivar throws the cooked sprites at the safe contestants. Ivar: "Now, we have the two of you. Glimmer, although you only just joined, you may have touched a nerve with some players, due to your mention of cosplay last time. Starling, your insane amount of screentime in the later episodes and recent events have put you in the bottom 2 for the first time ever." Glimmer: "I joined 2 episodes ago. 2! #saveglimmer!" Starling: "Glimmer, if you don't stop with all the hashtags, I may have to sban you." Ivar: "The final sprite goes to..." Lasher appears in the room! Lasher: "Starling, you are coming with me!" Snooky: "Aww, shit! Starlin, you gotta run asap! You're about to be nuked!" Starling: "Don't worry, I've got this." Starling fades into the shadows, invisible to all. Lasher: "Catch her!" Noegel: "She hasn't even moved." Starling: "Damn it, Noegel!" Ivar: "Oh, well. She's out anyway. Glimmer, here's your prize." Lasher: "So, are you gonna catch her?" Ivar: "Well, that's the next challenge. As you all may know, Starling's done some insane shit, and now, Lasher's after her. The team who is successfully able to catch her and bring her back here will win immunity." Lasher: "Yes! What he said! Go!" Chich: "Ok, are there any oracles with us?" Pixie: "Don't ask me." Bob: "Dude! I'm a priest, bro. Sorry." Glimmer: "What's an oracle?" Maerchyng: "It looks like I'm the best you've got, Chich." Chich: "You're not even an oracle." Noegel: "Eh, Dog, you think you could sniff her out?" Dog: "Woof!" Liber: "Can you even understand him?" Noegel: "Of course. I learned the language of the canine before I joined the show." Liber: "What's he saying?" Dog: "Woof! Woof! (censored) woof!" Noegel: "Wow, watch the language. Anyway, he says Snooky's also an oracle. Why the hell don't we get him to do his thing?" Snooky: "Listen up, yettie! I ain't even that skilled, and even if I was, Starling's my homie! I ain't gonna let no stupid immortal put her through what I was put through!" Snooky runs off after Starling! Noegel: "Sic em, Dog." Chich: "Well, we're doomed. We have no oracles or dogs." Maerchyg: "But we do have the wrench spell." Chich: "Why would we wrench an agro here?" Maerchyng: "Not just any mob. A mob that can detect hidden!" Chich: "Detect hidden? She's stealthing." Maerchyng: "Read the help file, humpaholic." Pixie: "Ok. You guys can wrench that agro. We'll be here if you ever need us." Chich: "As if that'll ever happen." Pixie and Glimmer wander off, leaving Bob with Chich and Maerchyng. Claire: "Oh, my, like, god! This is taking forever!" Noegel: "Shhhh! You can't rush perfection." Glimmer: "How did I get so many votes? I just don't understand." Pixie: "You see, Glimmer. The viewers are carnivorous wolves. Why else would they agree to vote on this show?" Glimmer: "That doesn't really," Pixie: "Listen. I don't have control over them. Noone does. But I could help you out in this game." Glimmer: "Wait, you'd do that?" Pixie: "Of course. I could even get us to the final 2." Glimmer: "Thanks! I really do appreciate that! You've got yourself a deal!" It cuts back to the rest of the Shut up Ninjas, running away from a pissed off halfling! Chich: "Maerchyng! You said this would work!" Maerchyng: "Well, I'm sorry for not having any other ideas!" The group runs into Snooky! Snooky: "Ok, what the hell are yall doin here?!" Chich: "Run away! It's after us!" The halfling suddenly stops chasing the group, and turns to face Starling, who is still perfectly hidden from sight to the rest of the contestants. Starling: "Shit." The halfling charges at Starling, but she stabs it in the back with a dagger! As the halfling falls over, Chich runs towards her! He slips in the halfling blood and falls to the ground! However, before she can escape back into the shadows, Starling is cought in Maerchyng's web and put under a sleep spell. Maerchyng removes the webs and brings Starling back to Ivar. Ivar: "Maerchyng, congrats. Your team won!" Lasher: "So, where will we put her?" Ivar: "Oh, that ninja's going straight to the LOL." Tzadkiel snuggles Dog and Noegel. Tzadkiel: "You did well." Ivar throws Starling into the LOL with one hand, just to prove he is a god! Snooky: "I finally got you people! Where's Starling at?!" Ivar points at the LOL. Snooky: "God damn you Ivar!" So, viewers, vote for one member of Woof to leave the game! The lucky voter for this episode will be given a tp when they and Rel are both on. See ya, suckers!
A good Old Clan War!
Saturday, January 19, 2019 @ 02:07
(Warfare: A clan war has been declared by This note for levels 1 to 200!) Leader 1: "Ok, we need to win this time). Leader: "Yeah, sure. Let's just get the spellups and go." New member: "But can't we just get a spellup from Dexx?" Both leaders (at once): "We need to win!" New Member: "And this is how you want me to," Leader 1: "Yeah. We could use you as a meat shield or something." Leader2 (top rank) tells the clan: "Type combat!" Everyone in the clan enters the war. (Warfare): There are no enemies to fight each other. Piece declared. |*:>>>|Clan||*>: (leader 1): "Did we win?" Note: "This note should be taken as a joke, only a joke, and nothing but a joke.
Saturday, January 19, 2019 @ 01:56
I want to join Loqui. I think Emerald would be a great place for a light member like myself. I want to join Baal because the Crusaders Druid'd the Xunti cult, and I need a Retribution clan for my Pyre Also, Watchmen. I hope to hear from Amazon soon. Signed, Rel, future crimson member of perdition. Wars, this is my application
Goals TP (part 2)!!!
Thursday, January 17, 2019 @ 02:19
After ManMan entered the empty classroom, he encountered Niex, some random guy who was hiding from a killer imm or something. Because of plot reasons, Niex forgot where the trivia points or troll pies or whatever, were hidden, so he sent ManMan to find this Nalzign guy, who, apparently, knows where it's stashed. Things are looking up for our "brave?" hero... or, they would be, if not for the fact that the secret door was locked. ManMan: "Niex! Nickelback! Whatever the hell your name is!" Niex: "Yeah, what's up?" ManMan: "Well, this hidden door I found is locked, so, yeah. Could you tell me where to find a key?" Niex: "Oh, sorry! I forgot where the," ManMan raises his Aylorian sword and glares at Niex! Niex: "You can't kill me! I have divine protection!" ManMan: "I still wanna test it out! I'm no holy man!" Niex: "Ok! Ok! V V Vorth has the key! Just don't kill me!" **Task Added: Find Vorth and "ask politely" for a key. ManMan walks out of the classroom, down the Academy stairs, through the hallway and into the Skills Training room. Vorth looks up from his desk and smiles at ManMan. Vorth: "Oh, have you come to hear about the different kinds of skills?" ManMan: "Actually, I just need a key to the hidden doo," Vorth: "Let me stop you there, sonny. I don't have the key." ManMan: "Oh, really? Because Niex told me that you did." Vorth: "Oh, I don't know no Niex, but that key's actually somewhere in the basement. Can't be quitting with keys on you." ManMan walks down the stairs into the basement. He starts looking for the key. ManMan: "Ok, we have dummy, dummy, dummy, dumb-ass and mega dummy. No key in here." Large Dummy Ghost: "Whoooooooooooo!" ManMan: "Oh, for the love of alcohol!" Large Dummy Ghost: "Arrrrre yoooooooooooouUu?" ManMan: "Oh, I'm ManMan, I'm a fierce warrior and I like beer. Where's the key?" Large Dummy Ghost: "Oh, it's in the archives." ManMan: "Who the hell would put a key in there?" Large Dummy Ghost: "Do I even have to answer?" ManMan: "Oh, right. Claire." Large Dummy Ghost: "Huh?" ManMan kills the dummy with a shoulder bash and enters the Archives. Dusty books litter the room, with mould and toothmarks on them. On one wall, there is some graffiti that reads "Glimmer is, like, cool, cookies are delish and I, like, totally hate rats. Signed, Tots Not Claire." On the other wall, there is a note. The note reads: "If the key to the (too faded to read) is what you seek, just kill the rats until you find it. P.s." The rest is also too faded to make out. ManMan sets down his Aylorian Mousetrap and waits. Three seconds later... A small rat tries to take the cheese in the trap! The rat falls into the trap, and is promptly crushed to death! ManMan empties the contents, and what remained of the key fell onto the floor. ManMan: "Oh, son of a rat." Is there a way to restore the key to it's original form? Will ManMan ever be able to see whatever is below the empty classroom?" How many more of these questions will I have to ask? Find out soon on... If! Aardwolf! Wasn't! Realistic!!! Aylorian Mousetraps, ridding areas of mice, rats, halflings and keys since 2019. Buy one, and get a free piece of bandit cheese from the Fire Swamp. Note: This is not real! Don't ask me for this product! If you want bandit cheese, go to the Fire Swamp and get it yourself!
BF1G 13 part 2!!!
Sunday, December 16, 2018 @ 03:30
The lid closes on the LOL. Crivoght runs over to LaPorta and gives him a long, passionate kiss, much to his discomfort. Crivoght: "Yes! LaPorta! I love you!" Alice: "Oh, a love story with a happy ending." Bardington: "Not for LaPorta, my friend... ing?" Alice: "At least you're trying." Orcron is still trying to kill the sprite, who is flying around in the LOL. Aylor: "Ugh! Give it up! It's just a sprite!" Orcron: "Look, I can't help being pissed off when the only meals Ivar gives us are these irritating little faerie fucks!" Toneloc: "Hell, I'd be mad too if I was force fed live sprites. I'd be really mad if I had trouble catching those things." The sceen cuts to Ivar and the remaining Contestants standing outside the Totally Not Haunted House. Chich: "Ok, so, why are we here?" Ivar: "Well, this challenge is pretty spooky if if I do say so myself." Starling: "Say all you like. It's still not Halloween." Glimmer: "Is it a cosplay challenge? I've been working on mine for ages!" Snooky: "Nah. You ain't gonna catch me playin dress-up." Ivar: "Well, Glimmer, you're wrong. You'll be going into the Totally Not Haunted House. Your goal is stay in there for the longest." Glimmer: "But I got all this for $350." He takes out a Queen Mab costume and throws it aside. Maerchyng: "But where will you be going?" Ivar: "Far away from here, damn it." Noegel: "Damn it. I was kinda hoping for a candy eating contest." Liber: "Still not Halloween." Ivar: "Go!" The contestants split up in the house. Back in the LOL, Orcron is still trying to catch the damn sprite. Toneloc: "Are you really sure you don't need help with this?" Orcron: "No! I can do this myself!" Vladia: "Yeah, but Aylor's kinda waiting for you to," Orcron: "If I can't kill this damn Sprite, what'll I tell the people back at the Academy?" DarkCop: "You already lost. You can't sink any lower than you did then." Orcron: "That's... That's... Actually a good point. Your turn, Toneloc." Back in the Haunted House, Snooky is walking down a hallway. Snooky: "Man, we all know that there ain't anything scary in here." A translucent cop fades into existance. Cop: "Stop right there, criminal scum!" Snooky: "Oh, you gotta be kidding!" The cop wields a shot gun. Cop: "I remember what you did. You thought you could get rid of me like you did in episode 9?" Snooky: "Nah, this is just some sorta illusion. I ain't supersticious. I'm only a little stitious." Cop: "Oh, if that's how it is, then that's how it is! You will pay for your crime!" Snooky: "You'll never get me aliiiiiiive!" In another part of the house, Claire and Glimmer come across a Aylorian Academy Practice Dummy. Claire: "Oh, hey! What are you doing out of the basement?" Glimmer: "Seriously? You think you'll get an answer?" Claire: "Hey, it was worth a tr," The dummy lunges forward! Dummy: "Whoooooooo! I am a spooky ghost that lives inside a dummy!" Glimmer: "Deja vu." Claire: "Huh?" Glimmer: "Don't say anything. Just run for your life." Glimmer and Claire start running! The dummy remains behind them. Claire: "Oh my god! He's, like, stalking us!" The dummy wields a knife! Glimmer: "Ok, I'm outa here!" Claire: "Like, ditto!" Maerchyng finds the Dummy in the hallway, still wielding the knife. Maerchyng: "Oh, my! Whoever made you payed attention to every fine detail! Credit to your artist!" The Possessed Dummy's stab does unbelievable things to Maerchyng: (3,563,099,587)! Maerchyng is slain by a final deadly stab Ivar: Should I count that?" Chich: "Yeah, may as well." Dummy: "You're next!" Chich: "Aww, hell no! I'M gonna live to hump another day if it means the end of me!" He runs out of the house! Later, Starling and Bob come across Maerchyng's lifeless body. Bob: "Dude! That's rad! We got a corpse in the house!" Starling: "Why are you celebrating? If anything, you should be running away screaming like a terrified little girl." Bob: "Oh, ok." Bob screams loudly and runs out of the house. Starling: "Wait! I didn't mean... Oh whatever." Wire: "Oh, look who we have here!" Starling: "Oh, hey. It's sandwich boy... man... thing?" Wire: "We may be dead, but our spirits live on, without any terrifying sandwiches!" Starling: "Oh, well, I just so happen to have a sandwich with me right now!" Starling takes a bite out of the sandwich and spits it at Wire. Wire: "Nope!" The sandwich is sent back with such force, it sends Starling flying out of the house! The sandwich bite keeps going, hitting Pixie and Liber before coming to a stop in front of Dog, who eats it. He wimpers, as there is nothing more to eat. Ivar: "Ok, so everyone left in the house is on Woof except Maerchyng, but he's kinda dead, so, I guess Woof wins!" Dog runs out of the house. Tzadkiel: "Well, looks to me like I win." Ok, guys, vote for either Chich, Starling, Bob, Maerchyng, Pixie or Glimmer to leave the show. Oh yeah. I forgot. From now on, one person who votes on an episode will be selected to win a trivia point in the following episode. Why? Just to give people some insentive to vote. In the LOL, Toneloc kills the sprite! Toneloc: "Ok, time to break us out!" Orcron: "Sure thing." He bashes the lid of the LOL, only to be repelled away by the wards, causing no damage. Aylor: "... FUUUUUUUUU!"
BF1G 13: This should've been a halloween Special!!!
Saturday, December 15, 2018 @ 01:22
Last time, on BF1G... You know what? These recaps take up so much time, I think I'll just stop doing them. Just look at the archives. You can see everything you want and more! So yeah, no more recaps! I do what I want! Anyway, now that the hideous horrible hiatus is over, I bet you can't wait for this intro to be over so we can get this Halloween Special started! Aylor (still trapped in the LOL): "Ok, you're just becoming more half-witted every episode." Snooky: "Yeah, it ain't no costume party! It's closer to Free Stuff Day!" Narrator: "Wait, what the hell are you... whatever. Anyway, now back to BF1G." The sceen cuts to Ivar in his Manor. He picks up a piece of paper labeled "Ivar's To Think About Doing But Not Actually Do List". Ivar: "Ok, get Aylor out of the LOL? Nah. She can survive." It cuts to the LOL, where Aylor is trying to cast Knock, not noticing that the lid of the LOL is magically warded. Aylor: "You see what this place has done to me? I'm sitting here knocking on a warded door!" She points at Orcron, who is trying to kill a sprite on the wall. Aylor: "You, Warty Mc'Pimpleface, you think you could knock this lid open? All of us are dying for fresh air." Orcron: "Look, this fairy motherfucker has been annoying me for 3 months now. But when I finally kill that basterd, I'll bust this cage clean open!" It cuts back to Ivar's manor. Ivar: "Re-open my pub? Why should I? No one will go there with Snooky here..." He pauses, suddenly remembering the show! Ivar: "Oh, what the Valkur have I been doing? The viewers need some new shit and I gotta give it to them!" Lel: "Actually, I kinda give them all the," Ivar: "Shut it!" It cuts to the elimination area. Liber: "Ok, this is really getting out of hand. Where the hell is he?!" Dog: "Woof!" Tzadkiel: "Does he disappear often?" Liber: "Well, yes. Very often in fact, but," Noegel: "Oh, who was right? She was. You go Kitteh." Claire: "Oh, like, no. We could be, like, canceled!" Snooky: "Nah, don't stress it! Rel wouldn't do that to us! You know that little (censored racial slur) would inform us!" Liber: "Well, you better be correct, Snooky." With a thunderclap, Ivar appears in the room! Ivar: "What's up, bitches? Did you miss me?" Chich: "See, Liber? You just complain way too much!" Maerchyng: "Yes! We sure did miss you, Ivar!" Ivar: "Then, I hope you're ready for the upcoming double elimination!" Claire: "Double elimination? OMG! I thought that was a joke!" Ivar: "Well, you better believe it, because you guys are the ones voting." Bob: "Hold up, dude! We vote now? That's just radicle!" Liber: "Wait, didn't you say the viewers would be voting?" Starling: "Ninja, it's kinda obvious. We," Ivar: "We didn't get enough votes!" Snooky: "Aww, seriously, people? You need to start doing that votin thing!" Ivar: "Ok, so, Glimmer and Tzadkiel won immunity last time, so they are safe! This episode, the prizes are halloween themed pumpkins!" Glimmer: "It's not halloween." Noegel: "Who cares? They're pumpkins!" Ivar: "Oh, and they're on fire for some reason." Glimmer: "Oh, no! You are not gonna throw," Ivar throws flaming pumpkins at the safe contestants. Glimmer gets hit and starts burning alive! Ivar: "Ok, so now, vote for the person you dislike the most." Bob: "Dude, everyone here's so cool, but I guess Liber. He's just too serious for me, you know what I'm sayin?" Snooky: "Man, someone better tell that drunk ass man, LaPorted, to go back to the pub where he belongs!" Chich: "I'm voting Liber!" Liber: "Why?" Chich: "Episode one, dick head!" Tzadkiel: "I vote Dog, since I'm a kitteh and all." Claire: "Ew! I, like, do not, like, like LaPorta. He reminds me of my 50 year old uncle, and I always have to clean up the vomit when he drinks too much!". Glimmer: "I vote Bob. Unlike LaPorta, who is in a constant drunk state, Bob is completely Sober, and yet still does nothing to contribute to the plot. Also, I like dogs." Bardington: "Roses are red, like an agro mob. I think I, vote for Bob." Liber: "Sorry, LaPorta. I just don't think you are quite cut out to be here." LaPorta: "*Hick* Barding-tuna! those poems are not not not deez notz!" He passes out. Dog: "Woof!" Ivar: "That sounded like Bardington. No backsies." Maerchyng: "I vote for myself because I don't want to cause the departure of anyone else." Ivar: "Ok, Starling. It's all down to you. LaPorta's already out. Either Bob or Bardington will join them." Starling: "Well, no need to be dramatic. I vote Bardington. I just feel like Bob is cooler." Ivar: "So, LaPorta and Bardington are outa here!" Ivar throws both Bardington and LaPorta into the LOL! (part 2 will come tomorrow! I promise!)
Re: If Aardwolf Wasn't Realistic, goals tp!!! +
Saturday, November 3, 2018 @ 19:40
Reply to: Note 5 posted by Fiendish Yeah, maybe I should've done that. Who even cares about Ivar anyway? Ivar: "Jee, thanks a lot, Fiendish."
If Aardwolf Wasn't Realistic, goals tp!!!
Saturday, November 3, 2018 @ 04:10
Previously, on If Aardwolf Wasn't Realistic... After completing his classes at the Aylorian Academy, the dickhead of a recruiter forces ManMan to venture into the long-forgotten classroom to retrieve his toilet pa... err... trivia points (his words, not mine). ManMan got his graduation pin, but it was really boring, so it wasn't covered in the series. Now, ManMan has embarked on his second (sub) area quest. Lasher: "You know it's a goal, right?" Narrator: "Shut up, Lasher! I run the show, I say what I want!" Lasher: "Yeah, but you are really bad at your job." Narrator: "At least I HAVE a job!" Lasher: "I am the leader of the Wolf Administration. You just recap previous episodes of a show that no-one gives a shockproof about!" Narrator: "My show is loved by a whole 4 people!" Lasher: "4 out of around 250?" Narrator: "You wanna 1-v1 me, you human god wannabe?!" Lasher: "Come at me, asshat!" Lasher wields the Bugz Zapper! Lasher''s blast does unbelievable things to the Narrator (5,346,903,711)! Narrator: "Please... someone... help me?" Reltubydoc: "Now, be ready for the episode!" Narrator: "Wait, what about the rabid imm after my ass?!" Reltubydoc: "Honestly, no-one cares." ManMan and Filt are chilling at Ivar's pub. ManMan: "So, yeah. The recruiter wants some tp to wipe his ass with." Filt: "Mate, that Recruiter dude's kinda sick in the ole' head!" ManMan: "Honestly, I haven't met anyone who isn't." Ivar: "I heard that." ManMan: "Anyway, he wants me to go to that empty classroom." Filt: "Aww, mate. You really don't wanna go in there. There's some real scary shit in there. It's even more terrifying than the shit in my pants!" Reltubydoc: "Wait, aren't you already there?" ManMan: "Shut up! It's your fault for making the 4 viewers assume!" Filt: "Anyway, that shit is scary!" ManMan: "Halloween was 3 days ago. The only thing scary in that room would be some left over decorations." It cuts to ManMan standing outside the empty room. Therefore, he is forced to use all the knowledge he he acquired during his Academy lessons and... bashes the door down. He throws the door off to the side and enters the classroom. He sees a figure huddled in the corner. ManMan: "Who are you? Do you have any tp?" Figure: "I am Niex. And there is no time to be looking for that shit." ManMan: "Listen, mate. The Academy Recruiter needs his toilet paper. If not, your sewers will be clogged with shirts." Niex: "Yeah, I know. I'll get it, but you need to help me in return." ManMan: "Ugh! What do you want?!" Niex: "Ok, so, there's this guy who's trying to kill me. He's kinda famous, you see. I was able to take up shelter here." Niex: "You see, the killer is also on the hunt for the legendary toilet paper. I believe that if it were given to him, it would calm him." ManMan: "Yeah, well, what about the Jackass who asked me to get it?" Niex: "I'll tell him everything. Just go!" **task added: Retrieve the toilet paper with help from Niex. ManMan: "Ok, so where's the toilet paper?" Niex: "Oh, it's probably in a toilet, my friend." ManMan: "No, you incompitant dipshit! I meant the shit I'm LOOKING FOR!" Niex: "Oh, that'd probably be in the toilet too, unless it's been flushed." ManMan slaps Niex across the face with a sign reading "Short Term Memory Loss My Ass!". Niex: "Oh, you mean the legendary TP?" ManMan: "Yes, yes! That! Where the hell is it?" Niex: "Oh, well, I honestly don't remember off the top of my head." ManMan prepares to slap Niex with the sign. Niex: "But I'm pretty sure Nalzign would know. Unlike myself, he," ManMan: "Is actually a compitant thinker." Niex: "That's not what I was gonna say, but whatever. Open the hidden door in the floor and head down into the maze. He should be... somewhere in there." **task added: Go and find Nalzign and force him to get the tp! What will await ManMan in the Maze? Who is this Killer that Niex is talking about? Am I really back to doing this shit again? Find out next time on... If! Aardwolf! Wasn't! Realistic! Hi all! Thanks for reading! I just want to clear up a few things! First up, I'm sorry for the lack of posts recently. I'm honestly pretty busy IRL, and I just don't have much time to write these episodes. Next up, I decided to skip the end of the Aylorian Academy. Honestly, I thought the concept was getting kinda boring. and I wanted to change the series to be... how do you say... more unique. I thought the Academy thing was just too similar to the ACTUAL events of the Academy on the real MUD. I just wanted to clear those things up. So yeah, hope you enjoy the episode and until next time, please, lasher, give me a gquest I can win. Lasher: "That's not the outro I remember." Sorry. Can we restart that? Until next time, keep on killing things!
Demon Of Fire Poker Card On Lauction!
Tuesday, October 30, 2018 @ 06:34
There is a Demon of Fire Poker Card on Lauction (lbid 91704)! So, lbid 91704 before time's up! You have around 5 days!
BF1G 12: Scroll Down To Read This!!!
Sunday, September 23, 2018 @ 18:35
Last time on BF1G: Starling and Vladia gave some encouragement to Bardington but was interrupted by his very first decent poem. DarkCop was eliminated. Just before he was thrown into the LOL, he claimed that Ivar was breaking some bullshit law. The challenge was to stay alive in the bad streats of Aylor Many people complained that Dog couldn't drive and it was revealed that Claire wasn't cut out for this challenge. Seriously, not only did she not know how to shoot a gun, but she forgot to load it too. Snooky got into a fight with a cop which resulted in the cop getting shot and run over. Suddenly, a random helecopter appeared and dropped a huge ass bomb which ended up killing everyone except Claire, for whatever reason. Who knows, maybe she highjacked it or something. It was then revealed that one person would join the game, which received a lot of backlash. And that's what you missed on BF1G! Ivar and Claire are waiting in the elimination area. Ivar: "Bitches, it's time for the elimination." Crickets are heard in the background. Ivar: "Damn it, bitches. Where the hell are you?" Claire: "Like, I think they all, like, died." Ivar: "Ugh, I forgot to summon a repop!" Claire: "Wow, you really, like, forgot to, like, bring them back?" Ivar: "Don't judge me! There was a reboot recently and that made me forget what happened last time!" Claire: "Oh, that's why there was a really long recap before we did anything!" Ayla (from inside the LOL): "You're not supposed to know that!" Ivar waves his hands about in grand gestures as he casts, "Summon repop!" Some crazy shit happens and everyone comes back to life! Ivar: "Well, Ninjas, your winning streak is over. It's time for elimination!" Ivar: "Ok, incase you forgot over the reboot like I did, the person with the most votes will be taken out of the show and thrown into the LOL." Starling: "Wow, so scary." Ivar: "Well, Starling, you're the first person safe." Ivar throws some debris at Starling! Starling: "What is this?" Ivar: "Oh, I couldn't get a prize in time, so I just got some shit from the pile of debris from last episode." Maerchyng: "Are you sure this is safe?" Ivar: "Well, you'll see, Maerchyng, because you're safe. So are Bardington and Pixie." Ivar throws debris at the safe contestants. Ivar: "LaPorta is safe too, but I don't think there are any beer bottles in the pile." LaPorta: "At least I'm safe." Bob: "Wait, bro, aren't you supposed to be drunk?" LaPorta: "I haven't had any since the reboot." Ivar: "The last person safe before the bottom 2 is Chich." Chich: "Phew!" Vladia: "Oh no. I'm in the bottom 2. Never would have guessed." Bob: "Seriously? Why am I in the bottom 2?! Ayla oh lord oh mighty! Please let me stay!" Ivar: "Bob, Vladia. One of you will be eliminated. The other will get this debris thrown at them." Maerchyng: "Seriously, Ivar? We don't know what's in that pile! It could be dangerous!" Ivar: "Noone cares about what you have to say, Maerchyng. Anyway, the final person safe is... " Glimmer: "Is it me? It's probably me." Ivar: "God, glimmer, can't you wait for the debut?" Glimmer: "Well, I'm here, so, the answer should be obvious." Ivar: "Ok, now that you've stopped interrupting me, the last pile of debris goes to Bob." Bob: "Thank you Ayla!" Ayla: "No problem." Ivar: "Wait, Ayla, what are you doing here?" Ayla: "Don't you remember? You threw me into the LOL in episode 9." Ivar: "Makes sense." Vladia: "Well, guys. Although I didn't last long, I did have fun. Honestly, I didn't think I'd make it this far. Good luck to everyone left." Ivar: "Ok, that's enough." Ivar throws Vladia into the LOL with 1 hand, just to prove he is a god! Ivar: "Ok, it's time for the debut!" Gnoll: "About barking time!" Ivar: "Ok, the person with the most votes will join the game." Glimmer: "That'd be me!" Ivar: "They'll also get some Debris." Wire: "Wow, Ivar. What a great prize." Ivar: "I know, right?" Tzadkiel: "Isn't it time to see who's joining?" Ivar: "It sure is." Pleiades faps. Ivar: "The first person not debuting is Gnoll." Gnoll: "Ah bark! Guess it's back to the quarries." Ivar: "Wire, I'm sorry, but you also do not join the show." Wire: "Oh well." Ivar: "The next person out is Pleiades the fapper." Pleiades: "What?! Oh come on! I guess I'll just have to have a talk with Kharpern about your behavior!" Ivar: "Yeah, whatever. You're still not joining." Glimmer: "Well, you can get over it, because I shall debut!" Ivar: "You'll just wait and see." Syka: "Wow! Thanks for supporting me, guys! I'll make sure the show's enjoyable! Ahehehehehehehe!" Ivar: "Well, sorry, Syka. But you do not join either." Syka: "Oh, I guess I got my hopes up too high!" Ivar: "Morgase doesn't join either. So that brings us down to Glimmer and Tzadkiel." Glimmer: "Just as I expected!" Tzadkiel: "I sure hope I can join the show." Ivar: "Well, I'm not gonna give you another suspenseful moment this episode. So, yeah. Tzadkiel joins!" Glimmer: "Noooooooo!!!" Ivar: "Welcome to the show, Tzadkiel. Here is your pile of debris." Tzadkiel: "Oh, yeah. I forgot about that." Liber: "So, isn't it time to start the next challenge?" Ivar: "It sure is." Liber: "And what is the challenge?" Snooky: "Man, I'm pretty sure he's gonna explain that shit!" Ivar: "I have hidden 10 scrolls around Aylor in various places. Your job is to find them. The team who finds the most scrolls will win." Maerchyng: "Seems simple enough." Ivar: "Go!" The teams split up to find the scrolls! Ivar: "Oh, there are hints ritten on the scrolls to make it a bit easier." Pixie: "Wait, Maerchyng, can't you just cast locate object to find them?" Maerchyng: "No, they probably have the nolocate flag." Pixie: "Just try!" Maerchyng: "Ok. I'm on it." Maerchyng chants the phrase "Locate Object". Nothing seems to happen. Maerchyng: "Sorry, I couldn't find anything." Meanwhile... Starling: "I mean, they could be in the debris." Chich: "Are you sure?" Starling: "It's a possibility, ninja! Just look in the pile!" Chich: "Ok, what kind of idiot would put a scroll in a pile of debris?" Starling: "I wouldn't put it past Ivar. Chich pulls a scroll out of the pile. Chich: "Wow, I guess Ivar's just an idiot." Meanwhile... Noegel: "Yes! We're back on a winning streak!" Liber: "Well, we need to find the scrolls or it'll end." Snooky: "Oh, come on, Liber! Just chill out! This should be easy!" Liber: "I really don't think," Snooky: "See? I already found one!" Liber: "Ok! That's just a coincidence!" Noegel: "Really? Because I found another one." Meanwhile... Bardington: "Come out whereever you are! I know you can't hear me because you're just inanimate pieces of paper, but I need to do this to make the episode longer!" Bob: "Dude, isn't it long enough as it is?" Bardington: "No, my friend, I have to get the scrolls." Bardington finds two scrolls on the ground. Ivar: "Well, it looks like the teams are tied at 3 scrolls each." Glimmer: "Not for long!" Glimmer pulls out the last 4 scrolls and gives them to Ivar. Ivar: "What the heck? Um... I guess Glimmer wins." Glimmer: "Yes!" Ivar: "You seem like a pretty good conpetitor. You know what? Glimmer: "Finally!" Ivar: "Tzadkiel, you join Woof and Glimmer joins the Shut up Ninjas. Also, they both have immunity. Also, since Glimmer wasn't an official contestant when he won, both teams are up for elimination. So, viewers, it's time to vote. Vote for two of the following players to be eliminated: Claire, Dog, Snooky, Noegel, Liber, Bob, LaPorta, Starling, Chich, Pixie, Bardington or Maerchyng to leave the show. The two with the most votes will be eliminated."
BF1G 11: "They see me rollin, they hatin!!!
Monday, August 13, 2018 @ 03:19
Bardington: "Ninjas walk into a giant maze. Say this challenge is really craze? y?" Starling: "Yeah, still not doing that well." Vladia: "Why were you named Bardington anyway?" Chich: "Maybe the Earl of Aardington wanted to go through the alphabet." Bardington: "Yeah, I get asked that a lot." Starling: "People ask me if I'm really a ninja. Those people cannot see me... because I AM a ninja." Bardington: "It was pretty funny at first. I cracked a few jokes about the strange coincidence. But like anything, it got annoying after a while. That's why I asked Alice to help me with the problem." Vladia: "That makes sense. But I don't think you should let that get to you. You're name doesn't mean much, it's who you REALLY are that counts." Starling: "Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say. Where is Alice now?" Bardington: "Well, she's in the LOL." Starling: "And you lasted longer than her. So, just do what you like and what you're good at and we'll be a more successful team!" Mean while... Liber: "Ok, people. We're back on a losing streak and we're up for elimination. After this, we really can't afford to lose any more members." Dog: "Arf!" Snooky: "The man's right! We ain't doin too good at the moment!" Noegel: "Well, we'd get more prizes if we keep going like this." DarkCop: "Honestly, the prizes aren't that good. And now I'm threatened with elimination once again." Claire: "Oh my god! Dc's pissed! Let me just, like, update that on Facebook!" DarkCop: "It's you're fault, Claire! If you didn't waste so much time updating your social media, we would've been able to win last time!" Liber: "Speaking of elimination, where's Ivar? He's been gone for about a month now." Ivar arrives through a portal! Ivar: "To answer your question, bitches, I'm right here." Noegel: "Wait, he can here everything we say?" Claire: "Oh, like, no! Now he knows about all those times I called him a," Ivar: "It's time for elimination!" Dog: "Woof! Woof!" Ivar: "So, does everyone remember how eliminations work?" Claire: "Um, like, no! Could you, like, tell me, like, again?" Ivar: "Sounds like everyone remembers, so let's get to it!" Claire: "Wow! You are, like, so rude!" Ivar: "Anyway, the prizes this time are pieces of Wire's corpse." Liber: "But that corpse has been decomposing for a month now.". Ivar: "And they'll be even more rotten if we keep talking." Noegel: "But didn't wire get recovered after the repop?" Ivar: "Don't worry. He has been recovered." Noegel: "Ok." Ivar: "Liber and Noegel are the first 2 safe." Ivar throws Wire's body parts at the safe contestants. Ivar: "So are Snooky and... Glimmer?" Glimmer: "Oh, do I actually get the oppertunity to compete now?" Ivar: "No. But you do get Wire's head." Glimmer: "Curse you, Ivar." Ivar: "Anyway, Dog is also safe." Dog: "Bork!" Ivar: "DarkCop, Claire. You are the bottom 2." Liber: "Honestly, you had to see that one coming." Ivar: "And with 2 votes, Claire... is... actually not the person who got 2 votes, but she's safe." Claire: "Oh my gosh! Thank you!" Ivar: "Well, DC, it was nice knowing you, but now you're outa here!" DarkCop: "What? This is rediculous! I, I arrest you! You're violating law 29, subsection," Ivar grabs DarkCop and throws him into the LOL. DarkCop: "Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Ayla: "I sware, Ivar, if you don't let me out, I'll," The lid closes before Ayla can finnish! Claire: "Oh, I get it! So the person who's eliminated goes to jail?" Ivar: "Whatever you want to call it. Contest time!" Starling: "So what do we do?" Ivar: "Well, first, you need to get into the cars I have parked outside." Everyone chooses a car and gets in. Liber: "Wait, how is dog supposed to drive?" Ivar: "Just let me explain. In each car, there are some guns and other shit you could use to kill people. The objective is to survive. You need to watch out for police, landmines, debris, etc, but most importantly, you need to watch out for each other. If all members on a team are killed, that team loses." Liber: "Yeah, but one of our team members is," Ivar: "Begin!" Starling: "Ok, since Dog," Ivar: "Ok, I get it! He can't drive! His car is google controled." Starling: "How does that make any difference? Anyway, our team is at a numbers advantage, especially because we have a new member.." Chich: "I'm not so sure, ninja." Ivar: "Oh, yeah, you can talk to your team on the team channel and see where they are." Starling: "So, why do you say that?" A bullet flies in from the east, shatters the window and hits Starling! Snooky: "Bullseye! Now it's time to get to lootin!" Snooky jumps out of his car and heads over to Starling's. Cop: "Eh, what do you think you're doing?" Snooky: "Oh, I was..." Cop: "Why'd I even ask? You obviously shot her." Snooky: "Well, if you don't stop accusing me, Imma bip you too!" cop: "So you," Snooky points at the cop's head and fires! Cop: "You..." He falls to the ground and is promptly run over by a passing car.! Vladia: "Oh shit! Starling's dead!" Chich: "Well, I saw Snooky out in the open. Let's get him." Maerchyng: "I do not approve of this." Chich: "Too bad Maerchyng!" Vladia: "I got this." Vladia drives towards Snooky and opens fire! A bullet hits Snooky in the chest and another hits Dog's window, passing through and killing Dog! Chich: "Yeah, Vlad! Two for one!" Vladia: "Leave the area!" Chich: "What, why?" Vladia: "Just do it!" Chich drives off at 100 miles/h right before Liber shoots! Liber: "Damn it!" Claire: "Hey, Libre, how do I do this again?" Liber: "Just pull the trigger." Claire: "Ok, I got it!" Liber: "No, wait!" Claire pulls the trigger, but no bullets come out. Liber: "Phew, she forgot to," Suddenly, Liber drives over a landmine and it explodes! Noegel sees the massive pile of debris, swerves to avoid it and crashes right into Chich, killing them both! A helecopter flies overhead and drops a bomb! Bardington: "They were right, all I need to do is..." Pixie: "Shit!" Bardington: "No, I meant I need to," The bomb explodes, killing everyone else... except Claire, for whatever reason Ivar: "Well, it looks like Woof wins the challenge! And a ninja is going home!" Rel: "What about the," Ivar: "Also, one character will be joining the show. next episode!" Rel: "Wow, you actually remembered." Ivar: "It's up to you guys which it'll be." Syka: "Hiyas viewers! Vote for the CrAzy quickling to join! You won't regret it! Ahahahahahahehehehehe!" Tzadkiel: "Although I messed up before, I am still a good kitteh at heart. Although you might not get my channels back, You could still vote for me. You will be granted permission to enter any future snuggle piles if you do." Gnoll: "I should join! There are still enough of us in the quarry!" Morgase: "Join the Harem! Vote for me! Morgase sharpens her knives and readys her needles! "You know what'll happen if you don't." Pleiades faps. Wire: "With my amazing stats, there wouldn't be a better fit for the competition than yours truely!" Glimmer: "Seriously, I've been mentioned on multiple occasions but have never gotten a chance. Please vote for me." Rel: "So, viewers, vote for either Chich, Starling, Pixie, Dahr, Bardington or Maerchyng to be eliminated. Also, vote for either Syka, Tzadkiel, Morgase, Pleiades, Gnoll, wire or Glimmer to join the competition!"
If Aardwolf was not realistic (insert number)!!!
Sunday, August 5, 2018 @ 04:14
ManMan and Wolfie are still in the classroom. Wolfie: "You did well, young adventurer." ManMan: "Well, it was just a man and his beer bottle." Bartender: "I told you it was a shot glass!" ManMan: "Ok, this joke has officially run its course." Bartender: "Come on man! You already foiled my world domination plan! Can't I just have something that'll keep me in the series?" ManMan: "Here. Have a beer." Bartender: "Well, I could've," Wolfie: "Aaah! Not you again! You are not taking over the world!" Bartender: "What makes you think I'd do something like that?" ManMan: "Maybe the fact that you were just trying 1 episode ago." Bartender starts chanting 'Gimme beer, gimme wine, gimme world domination this time.' The empty beer bottle comes to life! ManMan: "Nice shot glass you got there." ManMan knocks the beer bottle to the ground and it shatters. Bartender: "You know what?! I think I'm just gonna leave." Wolfie: "But how'd he come back to life?" ManMan: "Is there even a single person who knows about repops?" Wolfie: "What's a repop?" ManMan: "Think of it as, well, everyone is Kenny. If you watch South Park, you'd get the reference." ManMan opens the door and exits the classroom. ManMan walks down the hallway until he sees the recruiter. Recruiter: "Stop right there!" ManMan: "Yes, I killed the Man's beer bottle." Recruiter: "Beer bottle? That was definitely a soda can." Bartender: "Damn it." Recruiter: "Anyway, well, there's this empty classroom next door to the personal development room that hasn't been used for years. There's a fortune in there, like, enough tp to buy a manor!" ManMan: "What's a tp? Can't you use gold to buy a manor?" Recruiter: "Tp is toilet paper." ManMan: "Seriously?" Recruiter: "Nah. It actually stands for trivia points. No matter how much your coins are weighing you down, you also need tp to buy that glorious manor!" ManMan: "You're probably just looking for someone to wipe your ass." Recruiter: "Just let me finnish!" ManMan: "Jeeze, man. You almost make me want to start kicking you in the face again." Recruiter: "Shut up! Anyway, I'd go get it myself, but I'm just an old fart with no strength and there are things in there." ManMan: "Things?" Recruiter: "You know, like, Zombies, Dry cleaners, animated justin Beiber CDs, that kinda thing." ManMan: "So you want me to go and get your toilet paper?" Recruiter: "Yeah, and those CDs are terrifying!" **goal added: Get the recruiter's tp! Type goals tp for more details on this goal! **Task added: Hack and slash your way through the classroom! ManMan: "Eh, I'll do it later." **task added: Do your last class and graduate (finally) ManMan walks into the personal development classroom. ManMan: "Hopefully there aren't any jb CDs in here." Lao: "ManMan ni hao!" ManMan: "Oh, so you're another stariotype." Lao: "Nah, I just like cracking a few jokes. The name's Lao, but you can call me Lao Shi! Because... that's how you say teacher in Chin... whatever." ManMan: "Well, if we're learning marcial arts in here, that'd be cool." Lao: "No. Didn't you read the sign?" ManMan: "Didn't Tweedle Dee and Tweedle dumb say something about not trusting signs in that one play?" Lao: "They said not to trust sign POASTS." What will ManMan learn in Personal Development? Will he ever do the tp goal? Will anyone call the Bartender's Wine Cask by its actual name? Find out next time on... If! Aardwolf! Wasn't! Realistic!!! Also, what number are we on?
Re: pardons +
Monday, July 30, 2018 @ 04:07
Reply to: Note 40192 posted by Crowley I agree with Crowley. If someone is banned, they're banned for a reason. Sure, it's another reason to donate. But do we really want banned players coming back and causing more trouble? I know I don't. If anyone is pardoning banned players, it's lasher. And that's how it's gonna stay. And let's be real. If he wanted to give the rule breakers another chance, he'd probably freeze them for a bit, so they could think about their actions. Yours sincerely: Reltubydoc :)
Sunday, July 29, 2018 @ 05:00
ManMan enters the classroom. Wolfie: "Wow... you actually did it." ManMan: "Well, duh. Of course I would want to do it." Wolfie: "That's not what I remember." Flashback... ManMan: "Well, apparently there's this bartender and his beer bottle..." Bartender: "Shot glass." ManMan: "And they're gonna take over the world or something." Lerp: "Oh, you're gonna kill them?" ManMan: "Honestly, I don't care. I just want some cookies." Flashback ends... ManMan: "Well, you probably remembered it wrong." Wolfie: "Speaking of which, I don't really remember anything. I don't even remember which episode we're up to." ManMan: "No shit Sherlock. We've been away for so long that not even Rel remembers the episode we're up to." Ivar: "Ok, bitches. It's time for..." ManMan: "Wrong series." Wolfie: "Cut the man some slack. He's been gone for a while too." ManMan: "Yeah, but... why?" Wolfie: "Maybe Rel was busy. I heard something about a performance or something." Sorry for the lack of content for the past few weeks. Like anyone, there are times where I'm simply really busy. Too busy to write anything. and, well... that's what happened. Fortunately, starting next week, I'll start making episodes of my shows again. And the first will be for If Aardwolf Wasn't Realistic! But, does anyone remember the episode I was up to? Ivar: "More importantly, who's gonna clean up my bar? It's been stained with blood for the past few weeks again thanks to the Bartender and his Beer Bottle." Bartender: "It's a fucking shot glass!" Wolfie: "Well, it was technically ManMan who..." ManMan: "Don't you drag me into this!" So yeah, a new episode will come out next Sunday. Sorry for the delay.
Re: Sharpen Skill
Friday, July 27, 2018 @ 18:47
Reply to: Note 40183 posted by Mondaine Sounds like a good idea. But shouldn't we also give this to the enchant weapon spell too? It would only make sense. It would give players another class option if they don't want to pick warrior but still want the avg damage boost.
Re: Joke Application
Sunday, July 8, 2018 @ 20:01
Reply to: Note 87 posted by Sorael Go tell him that he's not gonna become a rhabdo hooker anytime soon Also, beer bottle. Bartender: FOR THE LAST GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING TIME, IT's A SHOOOOOOOTGLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASS!!!!! If you don't get the reference I made to a previous post, note read 80 on the jokes board.
Re: Donations ++++
Monday, July 2, 2018 @ 01:09
Reply to: Note 27606 posted by Escobar Sorry. I've had a few late nights recently. Sorry Escobar.
Re: Donations ++
Monday, July 2, 2018 @ 01:01
Reply to: Note 27604 posted by Escobar Well, Fiendish, if you really want to donate after donations are closed, I don't think Lasher will prevent you. As it says in help donate, Aardwolf is free to play, but not free to run. I'm sure the immortal team would appreciate it.
BF1G 10: An A Maze Ing Challenge (part 2/2)!!!
Sunday, July 1, 2018 @ 03:18
The contestants are still in the maze. Chich faps. Starling: "What are you doing?" Chich: "Um... I'm fapping. Why do you ask?" Starling: "Because you're doing something you shouldn't be doing, ninja." Pleiades: "Yeah, Chich, that's my thing. Don't steal it from me! I'm the fapper around here!" Starling takes out a knife and slowly moves towards Pleiades. Starling: "Give us the statue!" Pleiades: "What statue?" Starling: "Well, it really doesn't matter. Neither Claire nor Vladia are on our team." Pleiades: "Oh, well, I have a statue of myself!" Starling's backstab does unbelievable things to Pleiades (67,855)! Pleiades begins to fap! Chich jumps in front of starling! A humpahole barrier reflects Pleiades'' attack back at him! Pleiades staggers and falls to the ground... dead! BNG: "Breaking news, motherfuckers! Pleiades, the hook fapper, has finally been MAZESSUCKWIREHASTHESTATUESYOULITTLESHIT! slain!" Ivar: "BNG, you've already had your time in the spotlight!" Starling gets a sandwich from the corpse of Pleiades! Mean while... Snooky: "Ok, my (censored racial slur), let's do this!" Liber: "Do what? Why do you make these vague statements and expect ME to know what you're talking about?!" Snooky: "Come on, dude! People say it all the time." Liber: "We are in the middle of a conversation and you have to say this random assortment of words that don't relate to what we were talking about! WHY?!" Snooky: "I, I don't know why. I was just excited about being back on the show and doing another chal," Liber: "We are in the middle of a challenge and you're spouting random words into," Snooky: "Liber! Look out!" Liber turns around to see a hideous, insidious Gnoll! Liber: "What the false information is that thing?!" Snooky: "Don't ask me! What? Do you think I know all the answers?" Gnoll: "A warlock wanted to make a new footmbark! He and his woofing gang wanted blind loyalty and strength, so they. got dogs to play fetch with human genetics." Liber: "Wait, what do you mean by "play fetch with human genetics"?" Snooky: "Weren't you in the gathering hord?" Gnoll: "They combined humans and dogs, you fbarking idiot!" Dog dashes in from the west! Dog: "Woof!" Gnoll: "They were successful! Although people don't paws to look at us," Drummer: *plays duduncha sound effect* Gnoll: "The warlocks created beasts with unfathomable bloodlust!" Dog takes a steamy shit on the ground! Liber: "That's disgusting. Weren't you toilet trained at the WTC?" Snooky: "Yeah. Let's bale it." Gnoll: "No! You aren't going anywhere!" The gnoll attacks! Gnoll's bite vaporises Snooky (118)! Liber: "Snooky! Are you ok?" Snooky: "I'm fine! I almost died but I'm fine!" Snooky's pierce does unbelievable things to gnoll (115,067)! Mean while... Claire: "Oh my god! I always hated mazes!" DarkCop: "Just grin and bare it." Noegel: "While we're on the subject of bears," DarkCop: "That's not what I meant." Noegel: "There's a bear right behind us." The bear comes closer and roars! Claire: "Wait! I need to update my facebook page!" DarkCop: "No time for goofing off!" Noegel: "So, should we fight or should we run?" DarkCop: "Running is for chickens!" A Puny chicken runs in from the south! Noegel grabs the chicken and throws it at the bear! Claire: "Oh cool! This could be like The Legend Of Zelda!" The bear swiftly kills the chicken! Claire: "So, the chicks should be attacking any minute now!" DarkCop: "Just kill the bear!" NOEGEL chants the phrase major swarm! A swarm of killer fleas attack the bear! Noegel's swarm does unbelievable things to The Bear (111,111)! The bear falls to the swarm of deadly insects! Claire: "So, now can I update my Facebook page?" DarkCop: "Sure! Hey! Why don't you take a photo of the bear to put on your Instagram account!!" Mean while... Bob: "Dude! It's pretty cool in this place! How are you holding up, Bard"" Bardington: "Roses are red, violets are blue! I'm so board I could eat my shoe!" Bob: "Good to know! But why are you freakin out?" Death: "I am the grim reaper, master of the forces of life and death!" Bob: "Cool!" LaPorta appears and throws up all over Death! Death: "I may be the master of the forces of life and death, but I'm not the master of drunkards!" LaPorta: "Soup?" Bardington: "Oh, that sounds wonderful!" LaPorta starts walking around, looking very confused! Bob: "He's drunk." LaPorta: "Teel meh somethyg I dont no." LaPorta stumbles and falls to the ground! Death's decapitation does unbelievable things to LaPorta (666,666)! Bardington: "So, what now?" Bob: "He killed our friend, man!" Mean While... Starling: "Ok, so, where is this exit?" Chich: "we'll find it if we stop turning right." Wire: "Or will you!" Chich: "That's what I said." Wire: "Well, you have to get past me first!" Starling: "Something telkls me it's gonna be pretty easy." Wire: "What'd you say? That's not cool girl! Look at my stats! Str: 15,789 int: 15,879 wis: 15,437 dex: 15,335 con: 15967 luck: 15534 hp: 6,354,931!" Starling throws a sandwich at Wire! Wire: "No! My only weakness! Not the sandwich!" Starling: "Calm down. It's just bread." Wire: "The spirits! They're calling me!" Starling: "They probably got the wrong number." Wire gives a statue of Claire to Starling. Wire gives a statue of Vladia to Starling! Wire: "They're coming to take me away!" Starling: "Probably to the funny farm." Wire: "Good bye! I'm going to a better place!" Starling: "Well, anywhere is better than here if you ask me." Starling recalls. Maerchyng: "I've found the exit! Have you found anything?" Chich: "The statues." Starling: "Let's blow this place." Ivar: "Starling, Chich and Maerchyng. You have found the exit. but do you have the required item?" Starling: "Yeah. We have them both." Ivar: "Ok. This wasn't planned. Who's idea was it to give both of the statues to Wire?" Starling: "Yours?" Ivar: "Well, I guess we could have one of them switch teams. We'll toss a coin to decide who it is. Vladia is heads, Claire is tails." Ivar tosses a coin! It spins through the air and lands on heads! Ivar: "Vladia, you're going to the Shut Up Ninjas. As for Woof, prepare your anuses for another elimination!" Viewers, vote for either Claire, Dog, Vladia, Liber,, Noegel or DarkCop to leave the show! The next episode will be released on Sunday, July 15!"
BF1G 8: War Of The Wizards... and other classes!!!
Sunday, May 13, 2018 @ 03:43
Last time on Battle For 1 Gold: Ivar told everyone to be ready for the double elimination. Chich explained his hatred towards Liber (which wasn't known until now) and Ivar found a bunch of screws offscreen. Peter was eliminated with the most votes and Orcron and Liber tied with the second most votes, resulting in the second tiebreaker challenge of the season. Then, Ivar revealed that one eliminated contestant would leave the locker of losers and rejoin the competition. Who will rejoin? How will this event effect the game? Do any of these people even deserve to rejoin? Anyway, Ivar is yet to tell the contestants still in the game and Orcron's shield has a bunch of screws poking out of it. And That's what you missed on Battle For 1 Gold. Claire: "Oh my, like, god! What is, like, taking him so long?" Dark Cop: "Just be patient." Liber: "She has a point. Normally," Chich (who rudely interrupts Liber): "Ivar gives us a challenge right after eliminating someone." Liber: "Thanks for finnishing my sentence." Chich: "Sorry. I'm still a little bit pissed at you." Noegel: "Wow. If it's for the same reason as last episode," Ayla: "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL?!" Toneloc: "Nothing. You said all that fourth wall stuff to Ivar, not Noegel." Noegel: "As I was saying, that was a long time ago, Chiiiiiich. Let it go." Noegel shrieks as Chich grabs her from behind and begins to hump! Maerchyng: "We should really help her. She's kinda getting vialated." Toneloc: "I'll save her! Sharp Dagger activate!" A dagger appears in Toneloc's hand and he starts moving towards Chich. Chich: "Oh humpahole! I don't want to die again!" Toneloc: "Too bad! You humped Noegel and I really want to kill someone!" Starling: "Calm down, ninja. Noegel's been humped many times in the past." Toneloc: "Well, I still want to kill someone." Dog: "Woof!" Toneloc: "There's an easy target! Let's hope PETA isn't watching this!" Vladia: "They're not watching." Toneloc: "That's all I needed to hear!" Toneloc's stab does unbelievable things to Dog (84397)! Dog staggers and falls to the ground... dead! Liber: "Well, PETA may not have been watching but the RSPCA sure was." Toneloc: "Why the nopk clan didn't you tell me?!" Vladia: "I was going to but you had to murder that cute little animal." Some crazy shit happens and everyone comes back to life! Ivar: "Good news, contestants." Bardington: "Roses are rallenge. Is it time for the challenge?" Ivar: "Nope. But 1 eliminated contestant will be rejoining the game." Claire: "Like, it's totally gonna be my BFFFL, Criv!" Vladia: "It is obviously gonna be Dahr." Toneloc: "Well it's obviously not gonna be Orcron." Ivar opens the lid of the LOL. Ivar: "Well, as you know, 1 of you will rejoin the competition. So let's get down to business." Dog raises his hind leg and takes a shit. Ivar: "That's not what I meant." Dahr: "Sir,! Tell us who's rejoining, sir!" Ivar: "Well, Alice did not get any votes, meaning she will not rejoin." Alice: "Oh well, I wish good luck to everyone else." Ivar: "Peter, since your elimination was so recent, you did not get any votes either. I'm sorry." peter: "Damn it! I really wanted to come back!" Ivar: "The next person not rejoining is... Crivoght." Crivoght: "Oh no! Can I at least see LaPorta before you shut the lid?" Ivar: "No." Ivar puts a blindfold over Crivoght's eyes. Ivar: "Dahr, despite your command, you did not receive enough votes either." Dahr: "But my team needs me! Who will command them, keep them under control, lead them to victory?!" Ivar: "Aren't you going to say sir to finnish that sentence?" Dahr: "No sir!" Ivar: "Snooky and Orcron. You are now the only possible returnies." Snooky: "Come on, man. I was eliminated first. The viewers obviously voted for me." Ivar: "One of you got all 3 of the votes. The other got nothing." Orcron: "It seriously better be me! Why would you vote for Snooky?! He was only on the show for 2 episodes!" Snooky: "Well, I think the viewers have had enough of your attitude. Because, my (sensered racial slur), you're just an ass hole trainer who doesn't care for the wellbeing of others. No wonder you got voted off." Ivar: "Snooky rejoins the competition." Snooky: "Sweet!" DarkCop: "It's my lucky day. The only decent person in the LOL was the one who came back." Snooky: "What's up my (sensered racial slur)? Orcron: "No! I cannot believe that stupid (sensered racial slur) joined over me!" Ivar: "Ok. Today's challenge is about killing, survival, and not being a stupid little (sensered racial slur), something that Orcron would have trouble with." Snooky: "Stop stealing my jokes or I'll call you a (sensered racial slur)!" Ivar: "Anyway, we're gonna start a war. Ivar: "The last person standing will win for his or her team." Snooky: "Wait, which team am I on?" Ivar: "You'll find out later. For now, just relax. You will not be participating in this challenge." Ivar transports everyone to the war zone. Ivar: "Go." Chich chants the phrase "I will hump you!" Chich's humplust does unbelievable things to claire (78,903)! Chich starts humping Claire so hard that she dies! She is dead! Chich humps the vialated corpse of Claire until it decomposes! Noegel: "Ok, Mr. Bard Wannabe. You're going down!" Bardington: "Yeah. I guess I am." Noegel: "Seriously? You're supposed to be angry and stuff." Bardington starts reciting a verse from a really crappy poem he wrote! Bardington's poetry does unbelievable things to Noegel (65,347)! Noegel is at death's door! Noegel eats Bardington, killing him and restoring her health to maximum! Meanwhile... Maerchyng: "Do I really have to do this?" Bob: "Yeah, Dude! That is, unless you want to be put on the chopping block!" Maerchyng: "Ok. If you say so." Maerchyng's shroud of flame does unbelievable things to Bob The Priest Dude (135,791)! Bob sacrifices the burning corpse of BTPD to Ayla! A few hours later... DarkCop: "Ok. I guess it's me and you you (sensered racial slur)!" Maerchyng: "Bring it on." DarkCop's stab nicks Maerchyng (5)! Maerchyng: "Seriously?" DarkCop's stab hits Maerchyng (13)! DarkCop's stab injures Maerchyng (18)! DarkCop's stab scars Maerchyng (12)! 11 hours later... DarkCop's stab malls Maerchyng (20)! Maerchyng is at death's door! Maerchyng chants the phrase "full restore!" Maerchyng heals himself! Maerchyng is in perfect health! DarkCop: "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" Ivar: "Just finnish the war already! Someone please just die!" DarkCop: "Hey Maerchyng! Someone burnt down the Academy!" Maerchyng: "How could this happen to me? I made my mistakes! Got nowhere to run! The night goes," DarkCop's decapitation does unbelievable things to Maerchyng (2,354,786)! Ivar: "DarkCop wins for the woofity woofers!" Snooky: "Ok, now can you tell me which team I'm on?" Ivar: "Well, you're now on Team Woof!" So, viewers, vote for either Chich, Starling, Bardington, Bob, LaPorta, Toneloc, Pixie or Maerchyng to be eliminated! Vote 1 of them right now or Snooky might call you a (sensered racial slur)! Maybe that should've been the episode title.
BF1G 7: A second chance to screw up!!!
Sunday, May 6, 2018 @ 03:54
Ivar: "It's time, bitches, for the most epic elimination in reality tv history!" Orcron: "No! He's wrong! This elimination's gonna suck!" Claire: "It's, like, only gonna suck if I'm eliminated!" DarkCop: "You won immunity last time. You do remember that, right?" Claire: "Oh yeah! I, like, totally forgot! Now I remember!" DarkCop (sarcastically): "Oh yay. We really needed another annoying mob on the show. Two just wasn't enough." Vladia: "Those other 2 are Crivoght and Peter, right?" Peter: "Hey!" Vladia: "Well, it is true." Bardington: "Roses are red, violets are dead? Is that the line?" Ivar: "Whoops. Sorry Bardington. I forgot you existed." Orcron: "You shit heads better stop talking or I'll kill you!" Chich: "God. I hope you and Liber are out." Liber: "What? What did I ever do to you?" Chich: "Remember episode 1?" A flashback starts playing. Chich: "Um... I humped Liber?" DarkCop: "Whatever." Liber: "I'm still scarred, Chich. Never do it again." The flashback ends. Maerchyng: "You know that was episode 2, right?" Liber: "That's why you hate me? I wasn't trying to be rude! It's just..." Chich: "I've heard enough! Enjoy your last few minutes on the show!" Ivar: "Ok. If you remember, last episode, everyone except Chich, Claire, Vladia, Noegel and Bardington won immunity, putting the rest of you up for a double elimination." Toneloc: "Okay dokay! What are the prizes?" Ivar: "The prizes are these rusty screws I found in a random shed." Liber: "Isn't that a bit dangerous?" Ivar: "Yep. That's why it's fun to throw them." Toneloc: "Relax, Liber. How bad could it be?" Ivar: "Really bad for Dog, Pixie and Maerchyng. They are the first 3 safe." Everyone dodges the screws being flung at them by Ivar. Ivar: "Starling and LaPorta are also safe." Starling misdirects Ivar's attack while LaPorta manages to narrowly avoid it. Ivar: "Bob and Toneloc are both getting forks." The 2 successfully dodge the forks and Ivar continues. Ivar: Now there are only 4 of you left. DarkCop, you were a tad bit mean to some contestants. But you have a large fanbase." DarkCop: "Hopefully my fans came through. Because if they didn't, I'll have to take action as soon as possible." Ivar: "You're fans did come through. You are the last person safe before the final 3." Peter: "I don't want to be locked up! It'll be so boring and I'll go hungry!" Liber: "If I had known my statement in episode 2 would cause such negative results, I would not have said that. I'm sorry, ok?" Orcron: "You viewers are such idiots for voting for me! I'll kill you all!" Ivar: "Peter, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you are the first person going home. But I'll make sure there's enough to eat and enough entertainment." Peter: "Oh man. Sorry for all the trouble I caused." Ivar: "It's a little too late for that." Ivar throws Peter into the LOL with one hand, just to prove he is a god! Ivar: "Orcron and Liber. You are the bottom 2." Vladia: "Well Orcron, it was nice knowing you... not!" Chich: "What are you talking about? Liber's going home!" Ivar: "Well, it's another tie." Liber: "Did you actually think of a tighbreaker this time?" Ivar: "I'll be throwing an endless barrage of screws at you. The first person to be hit 3 times is eliminated." Liber: "Ok." Ivar: "go!" Orcron: "You're going down! I've got a shield!" Liber: "Oh, shit! I'm doomed!" Ivar starts rapidly throwing screws at Liber and Orcron! Orcron deflects the screws with his shield while Liber effortlessly dodges them. Chich: "Go Ivar! Kill Liber with those screws!" Dog: "Woof!" Starling: "You know they're all missing, right?" Three hours later... Ivar: "Agh! It's been three hours and noone has been hit!" Orcron: "Just eliminate Liber already!" Liber: "Turn around for a sec! I just want to get the screws out of your shield before I leave." Ivar quickly turns around. Orcron: "Ok, loser! How are you gonna..." Ivar: "Orcron, thanks to Liber's strategy, you are the second eliminated!" Liber: "The second eliminated was..." Ivar: "You know what I mean!" Orcron: "No! Wait! Please! I'll be nice to everyone from now on! Please! Please!" Liber: "Orcron, you've been a real bitch to everyone all season. Now it's time for you to pay.". DarkCop: "I didn't think this would ever happen." Orcron: "No! I'll give you anything! Don't send meeeeeeeee!!!" Ivar sends Orcron to the LOL before he can finnish! Meanwhile, in the LOL... Crivoght: "Go LaPorta! Win BF1G for me!" Peter: "You're seriously still cheering for him?" Dahr: "Si... Mam! He is unable to hear you, Mam!" Crivoght: "Sorry! I just want to leave!" Snooky: "Well, I was the first person eliminated so I think I should leave!" Peter: "First is worst!" Alice: "Please. There is really no need to argue." Ivar: "Hey. One of you will be rejoining the battle for 1 gold!" Alice: "Oh! What's the occasion?" Ivar: "Well, six contestants have been eliminated so far. To form the final 15, I will allow one person to rejoin." Snooky: "Sweet! But that's not really much of an occasion!" Ivar: "The person rejoining will be determined by the viewers." Reltubydoc: "That means all of you! Vote for the person that you think should rejoin the show!" Ivar: "You can choose snooky," Snooky: "Viewers, I know you may not like me. But if you let me rejoin, I promice that you will not regret it." Ivar: "Crivoght," Crivoght: "Vote for me, yeah yeah yeah! Type my name, yeah yeah yeah! Because LaPorta needs me! He just can't live without me!" Alice: "If you vote for me, I promice I will try my hardest to help my team succeed. So please, let me rejoin." Dahr: "Attention! All viewers must report to the personal board and vote for me immediately!" Orcron: "You better vote me or, or I'll murder you!" Peter: "I'm just a kid. I don't do well at everything! But I want you to vote for me right now!" Ivar: "Alice, Dahr, Orcron or Peter." Reltubydoc: "Remember! Cast your votes by sending me a tell or a personal note!"
If Aardwolf Was Not Realistic 14!!!
Saturday, May 5, 2018 @ 04:11
ManMan opens the door and steps into what seems to be another realm entirely! ManMan: "Oh shit! What's going on now? I've been through enough of this already." Tree: "Get off my branches you little turd burgler!" ManMan: "Last episode we had an electric fan. Now we have this non-living peace of troll shit." Tree: "I'm a living organism! Didn't you learn about this in science?" ManMan: "You know I dropped out of school in 3rd grade, right?" Tree: "I can't leave this classroom! I don't know jack about the outside world!" Tree starts sobbing uncontrollably! Tree: "Noone ever understands me!" ManMan: Wait, you said. this was a classroom?" Klau takes off his tree costume! ManMan: "Indeed it is, young whippersnapper!" ManMan: "Is this what people do around here, dress up as trees and start bitching and whining?" Klau: "Now hold on there, sonny! I'm gonna teach you the wonders of the outside world!" ManMan: "Just get this over with. I want to get to the fun stuff." Klau: "Oh come on! Learnin about the world out there is tons of fun!" Nie: "Yeah! Like there was this one time where Klau was like, "Omg! I'm totally stupid and Nie is so smart!" and I just had to agree with..." Klau: "Now, what'd you just say about me, you young bucket of trouble?" ManMan: "Wait, I've got this crazy old man." Klau: "Use your punctuation!" ManMan decapitates Nie with an Aylorian sword! ManMan: "Ok! This is more like it!" Klau teaches ManMan all the stuff he needs to know and gives him a portal. Klau: "This is a portal! You can play it on your play station or something." ManMan: "I knew he was crazy." Klau: "What?" ManMan: "I was just gonna say that you didn't give me the game. You gave me an actual portal. You know, as in an elaborate doorway/gate/entrance?" Klau: "Oh! Sorry! Here you go!" ManMan: "Much better." Klau: "And you can keep the actual portal too! It might be useful!" **task done: It's boring but you need to do it! ManMan leaves the classroom and starts heading up the stairs leading to the second floor of the Academy. Recruiter: "And where do you think you're going, man?" ManMan: "It's ManMa... wait, where the hell did you come from?" Recruiter: "You haven't figured it out yet? Everyone here is immortal. We watch newbies from the heavens, making sure they don't drop out of school." ManMan: "I already..." Recruiter: "Stop interrupting me! Anyway, the trainers are just representations of our true forms, sent to Andelor by our leader, Lasher." ManMan: "Ok, so are you gonna tell me your evil plan now?" Recruiter: "No. I just wanted to tell you some shit you probably won't remember. The previous recruiter told me the exact same story many years ago." ManMan: "No. I'm not gonna be the next recruiter. I want to go and kill stuff." Recruiter: "I tell this story to all of my students." ManMan: "Pretty shitty story if you ask me." Recruiter: "Ok. Now you can pass." What will await ManMan on the second floor? How the hell did Nie come back? Recruiter: "It's called a repop!" Find out next time on... If! Aardwolf! Wasn't! Nie: "Hey Rel! I just want to say..." I stab Nie in the chest multiple times! Take! That! You! Stupid! Gold! Thieving! Bitch! Realistic!!!
If Aardwolf Was Not Realistic 13!!!
Wednesday, April 25, 2018 @ 03:53
ManMan and Aaeron are still in the communication room. Aaeron: "Hey! Did you hear?" ManMan: "Did I hear your boring lecture? Yes. And I don't want to hear another one." Aaeron: "Young Man. That attitude is not good if you want a chance at making friends." ManMan: "It's ManMan, not "Young Man." And stop trying to force me to change my personality. I'm a huge dick and the fans love me for it." Animated Desk Fan: "Oh my god! I love you! I'm your biggest fan!" Aaeron: "Is that what you meant?" ManMan: "Not at all. But tell your desk fan that it is no better than the LaPorta fangirl from BF1G." Ivar: "Bitch, how do you know about BF1G?" ManMan: "Oh. I love that show. But I really fucking hate Crivoght." Ivar: "That explanes why you were such a dick to her last episode." ManMan: "Ok. Are you stalking me or something?" Ivar: "No. I'm a fucking god. I thought you'd know that." ManMan: "Speaking of gods, Ayla got really pissed at you for breaking the fourth wall." Aaaeron: "I heard that she's gonna break up with you or something." Ivar: "I already broke up with her." Ayla: "This is the wrong show, Ivar!" Aaeron: "I hope Orcron gets eliminated. He's really mean, sorta like you." ManMan gets a raged look in his eyes! ManMan: "DON't YOU EVER COMPARE ME TO ORCRON! THAT GUY IS A HIDEOUS UNLOVING PIECE OF SHIT WHO IS MEAN TO EVERYONE JUST FOR THE SAKE OF BEING MEAN!!!" Aaeron: "If I wasn't against drug use, I'd tell you to take a chill pill." ManMan: "It's funny when I do it, not when he does it. Also, he poisoned me once." Ivar: "I can't vote because I'm the host. But if I could, I'd vote Dog. 3 episodes." Aaeron: "Ok. Back to the lesson." Aaeron teaches ManMan everything he has to know. Ivar: "Yeah, Rel knew that noone wanted to read the Academy lessons in this series so he skipped them." **task done: Do some shit with Aaeron! **task added: Geography can be boring, but you need to do it! **task hint: It's the only class on the first floor you haven't taken yet! As some (including myself) would say: "Save the best for last!" Reltubydoc: "Well, do you want that free beer?" ManMan runs out of the room at the mere sound of the words, "Free beer." Reltubydoc: "Oh, also, Aaeron, you're not a player anymore so your vote will not be counted. However, it'll be mentioned in BF1G." What will await ManMan in the Geography Training Room? Why are my outros so boring? Why isn't this episode unlucky? ManMan: "I don't believe in superstitions." Find out next time on... If! Aardwolf! Wasn't! Realistic!!! Ivar leaves the room with style, but smashes the window in the process.
BF1G 6: Pranks For Nothing!!!
Monday, April 16, 2018 @ 02:43
Ivar: "Ok, Ninjas. It's time for the elimination." Toneloc: "Just a moment!" Toneloc's backstab does unbelievable things to Chich! (935,024) Chich staggers and falls to the ground... dead! Toneloc: "Ah! I've been wanting to do that since episode 2!" Starling: "Ninja, that was just plane wrong!" Toneloc's backstab does unbelievable things to Starling! (2,357,909) Maerchyng: "It's time to stop killing people! I know how much work it takes to summon a repop, since I'm an immortal!" Dahr: "Sir! It takes a lot of mana, sir!" Toneloc: "Sorry, guys. I was just trying to have fun." Dahr: "Just get out there and win the war known as BF1G!" Ivar: "Well, let's see which of you will not be winning the war known as BF1G." Bob: "Dudes! We haven't had an elimination in a long time!" LaPorta: "Eye doon't thinch thaatz someing toh beh exited four." Pixie: "Losing a team member is not something to get excited about!" Ivar: "Well, you won't be losing LaPorta, Maerchyng or Bob." Ivar waves his hands about in grand gestures as he casts, "Summon repop!" Ivar: "The 2 people who died are both safe." Starling: "So, what do we get?" Ivar: "Well, I couldn't aford to get anything. Sorry." Toneloc: "Oh man! That sucks!" Ivar: "Toneloc, this is the most you've said in a while. also, just kidding. The prises are airhorns." Ivar throws airhorns at the safe contestants. Ivar: "Pixie, you are also safe." Pixie: "Excelent. My team needs me." Ivar: "Not really. Anyway, Bardington, Toneloc or Dahr will be sent home.... I mean the LOL." Bardington: "Roses are Red, violets are blue." Ivar: "Dahr and Toneloc are in the bottom 2." Bardington: "You didn't even let me finnish!" Toneloc: "I guess one of us is out, Dahr." Dahr: "It is always sad to lose someone in a war." Ivar: "You both got 1 vote, resulting in the second tie in this competition." Toneloc: "So, what's the challenge to decide who goes home?" Ivar: "Well, I was too lazy to think of 1. I guess the person who received their vote first will leave. That person just so happens to be..." Toneloc shivers uncontrollably. However, Dahr remains calm, still sure about his safety. Ivar: "Toneloc!" Toneloc: "No!" Ivar: "April fools, bitch." Starling: "It's not even..." Ivar: "Dahr, it looks like you're the first former imm to go bye bye." Chich raises an eyebrow at Ivar. Toneloc: "Well, he can't say the same thing all the time, right?" Dahr: "No! I will not be defeated! I will never surrender! As a loyal member of The Shut Up Ninjas, I will stand firmly and fight until my dying breath!" Ivar: "That's not likely." Ivar throws Dahr into the LOL with 1 hand, just to prove he is a god. Ivar: "In this challenge, you'll be pranking each other in an every man, woman, child and dog for themselves prank battle. The last 5 standing win immunity." Peter: "What happens to everyone else?" Ivar: "The rest will be put up for a double elimination!" Toneloc: "Well, I really need to sit down." Toneloc sits down and a fart is heard. Ivar: "I threw in some stuff of my own. I guess Toneloc's out." Toneloc: "But the contest hasn't even started yet!" Ivar: "Wel'l, it has now." Starling: "I've got an idea." Starling becomes stealthy and sneaks off to prank someone. Dog, not knowing what to do, runs around chasing his tail. Starling: "A perfect first target." Dog eventually becomes dizzy and stops. Starling sneaks up behind him. She toots the air horn in his ear and leaves! Dog turns around to see who did it. But there was noone there. LaPorta: "Boob, I haf two go spu. I've ben drinking sew much!" Bob: "It's a good thing I have a barf bag!" LaPorta looks at Bob and promptly pukes! Bob: "Dude! Have you been eating fleas? There's a shit ton in the bag now!" LaPorta: "Noo! Ef anny won's eating flees ax's you!" It cuts to a flashback where Noegel puts some fleas into Bob's barf bag. Noegel: "This is sure to spook them." Starling takes a brake after pranking Liber, Orcron, DarkCop and Maerchyng. She starts playing Aardwolf on her phone. Peter: "Uh, Starling?" Starling: "What is it, kid?" "Peter: well I'm lost and I don't have gps on my phone. Can I borrow yours?" Starling: "I guess you can." Peter takes the phone and runs off with it! Starling: "Oh, shit! I should've known!" Ivar: "Starling's out." Peter: "Ok, Starling. Here's your phone." 2 hours later... Ivar: "It's down to Peter, Bardington, Chich, Claire, Vladia and Noegel. Peter: "This is the most fun I've ever had. But I need a break!" He sits down, only to hear a fart! Ivar: "Peter is out!" Since this is a double elimination, vote for 2 contestants to get the boot! The 2 people with the most votes will be eliminated! Chich, Claire, Vladia, Bardington and Noegel are immune so you can't vote for them!
Re: BF1G 5: Harmless Lasers!!! +
Sunday, April 1, 2018 @ 13:07
Reply to: Note 59 posted by Impurifan It's April Fools? Sorta like you! Also, Don't forget to vote off a member of The Shut Up Ninjas! If not, the vote will change to a contestant vote! Random people: "No! Dislike! Unsubscribe! Ignore!"
BF1G 5: Harmless Lasers!!!
Friday, March 23, 2018 @ 02:51
Ivar is waiting at the elimination area. Ivar: "Woofiots. It's time for one of you to leave." Chich: "Don't you remember? You killed them all last episode. I've been humping their corpses all night." Ivar: "Chich, that is really fucking discusting." Bob The Priest Dude: "Yeah, dude! LaPorta's dead too!" Starling: "You can't host an elimination where everyone's dead!" Ivar: "Well, I guess I should summon a repop." Ivar waves his hands about in grand gestures as he casts, "Summon Repop!" Some crazy shit happens and everyone comes back to life! Dahr: "All members of Woof must report to the elimination area ASAP!" Ivar: "They know that." Dog: "Woof." Ivar: "Ok. Let's do the elimination." Orcron: "About time!" Ivar: "If I call your name, you are safe and will receive a laser. Dog, Orcron, Vladia, Noegel and Liber are all safe at 0 votes." Liber: "What a relief." Peter: "Oh no! I think I'm eliminated!" Ivar: "Well, Peter, you got 0 votes. This means you are safe." Claire: "Why, like , would you, like, make him safe before you, like, make me, like, safe?" Ivar: "It doesn't matter. Claire, surprisingly, you also received 0 votes." DarkCop: "Seriously? Why would they vote for me? I tried to help my team! And that's not something you see everyday!" Ivar: "Well, DarkCop, you are safe with 1 out of the total 6 votes we received. Alice, with 5 votes, you are eliminated." Alice: "Well, I've heard your message, and I've heard it loud and clear. The viewers obviously do not want me here. I know I should have contributed more to the team. But what could I have done? The last challenges have either been really discusting or really insane. And because of this, I am not going into the locker!" Ivar: "Well, too bad for you. It's time to go." Ivar throws Alice into the LOL with 1 hand, just to prove he is a god. Ivar: "Well, now that she's gone, it's time for the next challenge. Today, we'll be playing a game of Lasertag." Peter: "I've never fired a laser before!" Ivar: "Don't worry. These lasers are harmless." Chich: "Noone was worrying." Ivar: "The team that gets hit the least will win immunity. Go." Vladia: "Wait! There's something that's not fair. Our team has 1 less member than the other team." Ivar: "Ok. I guess a Shut Up Ninja will have to sit out." Starling: "I think it should be LaPorta. He cannot aim for shit." Ivar: "Go." Dahr: "Ok! We will all separate and attack Woof from all sides! If we get chased, recall back to the base and hide behind our mascot! Pixie will treat any wounded players!" Pixie: "These lasers are harmless. Didn't you hear Ivar?" Dahr: "Whatever! Now, prepare for war!" Vladia: "Team Woof, we cannot afford to lose another member! We need to win this one!" Dog: "Arf!" Liber: "You're both right! None of us want to get sent to the LOL, do we?" Everyone: "No! We do not!" Orcron: "Because everyone in there is stupid!" Liber: "Things have been hard for every single one of us. We have faced insane challenges and lost 2 amazing people." DarkCop: "Yeah, yeah! Enough with the 6 hour speaches!" Liber: "In this challenge, we will not let those ninjas beat us!" Woof's members charge into the laser zone. Chaos and laser blasts fill the arena! The score board changes every second! Ivar: "Time's up! Let's check the scores!" The score board reveals that Woof was hit 207 times. The Shut Up Ninjas were hit 208 times. Ivar: "Well, it was the closest competition so far, if not ever. However, The Woofinators managed to win!" Claire: "Oh my, like, god! Our, like, losing streak is over!" Reltubydoc: "Vote for either: Chich, Starling, Toneloc, Bob, LaPorta, Dahr, Pixie, Maerchyng or Bardington to be eliminated by posting a personal note to me telling me who should leave. The person who gets the most votes will leave the show." Credits. Ivar (played by reltubydoc) Alice (played by StArLiGhT) LaPorta (Played by Cackle) Bardington (played by Chich) Claire and Pixie (both played by Noegel) Dog (played by a random dog) Vladia (played by Starling) Dahr (played by Beltsa) Maerchyn and Orcron (played by Reltubydoc) Peter (played by Chich) Current player characters: (played by their real life counterparts) Written, Published and Directed by Reltubydoc.
Whoops forgot some!
Wednesday, March 21, 2018 @ 04:55
Written, published and directed by Reltubydoc. Based on: The Aylorian Academy goal.
If Aardwolf Was Not Realistic 12!!!
Wednesday, March 21, 2018 @ 04:07
ManMan is in the entrance to The Land Of The Beer Goblins. He sees something move from behind the western pillar. ManMan: "Excuse me. You know I can see you, right? I can also end your life in an instant if I need to." Crivoght: "Oh my god! LaPorta! Is that you?" ManMan: "Yes. It's me." Crivoght comes running out of her hiding place. ManMan: "April fools, bitch. I don't even know LaPorta or whatever the hell his name is." Crivoght: "I AM TRIGGERRRRRRRRRED!!!" ManMan: "Stop being triggered and tell me where I can buy some fucking beer." Crivoght: Next to the beer fountain, where my darling LaPorta stands!" ManMan: "He probably doesn't love you back." Crivoght: "What was that?" ManMan: "I won't be back." ManMan walks into the beer factory. ManMan: "I need some beer and I need it now." Beer Factory dude: "Ok! Fine! Stop being rude!" ManMan receives some beer. **task done: Maybe you should buy some beer? **task added: Return to Claire and give her all her shit! ManMan walks up the steps into the Academy grounds, only to come face to face with the Recruiter. Recruiter: ""What'd I tell you? This world's full of crazy people." ManMan: "You could've told me earlier but you instead decided to be a dick." Recruiter: "Well, you didn't have to go to the Land Of The Beer Goblins. I have some beer right here." ManMan: "TRIGGERED!!! But free beer is always nice. Why the hell didn't you tell me before?" Recruiter: "I'll give you 3 choices. A. We hated each other when I got the free beer. b. I still kinda hate you now. c. I should at least give you a little bit of a challenge. d. All of the above." ManMan: "D." Recruiter: "Correct! You may pass or something!" ManMan enters the treasury and sees a corpse lying on the ground. Nie: "Well, well, well. You came back, huh?" ManMan: "No time for introductions. Give Vladia her shit and leave." Nie: "Oh. Well, she's dea..." At that moment, Vladia comes running into the room with a knife. She swings it around a little and then proceeds to stab Nie in the chest multiple times! Vladia: "That's what you get for stealing from the volt." ManMan gives some shit to Vladia. Vladia: "Oh! Good! Next up, go to the communication room and do some shit with Aaeron." **task added: Go to the communication room and do some shit with Aaeron! ManMan exits the treasury, runs to the end of the hallway and enters the west classroom. Aaeron: "Oh. Good day to you, ManMan." ManMan: "I'm assuming you must be Aaeron?" Aaaeron: "Indeed I am. Not to be confused with Aaron. Aaron was the name of Moses' brother so we cannot allow people in this Realm to be named Aaron." ManMan: "Yeah. But you do allow people to be called SatanSatan. You know that 2 wrongs don't make a right." Monst: "But they do make a Riot!" Will ManMan ever stop talking and start learning some shit? Why the fuck did Monst make a cameo in this episode? Find out next time on... If! Aardwolf! Wasn't! Realistic!!! Hope you come back soon Monst. Nie: "But what about me?!" Vladia: "You only appeared 3 times before you died. I don't think anyone will miss you!" Just! Let! Me! Do! The! Ending! Credits! ManMan (played by Reltubydoc) Recruiter (played by Snooky) Vladia (played by Starling) Aaeron (played by Chich) Minor characters Crivoght (played by Noegel) Nie (played by Toneloc) Monst (played by... well, who'd you expect?)
If Aardwolf Was Not Realistic 11!!!
Friday, March 9, 2018 @ 20:28
ManMan is standing on the shore of Sen'nar lake. Breaking News Guy: "Breaking news! After a sad event that almost cost a student his life, Orcron was fired from the Aylorian Academy. Maerchyng is still trying to find someone to replace him. We now go live to the man who almost died, ManMan the beer drinking barbarian!" ManMan: "What the fuck do you want? I'm trying to find a flute." Breaking News Guy: "ManMan, could you say a few words about the event?" ManMan: "An ugly dipshit poisoned me, an old man saved me and the fatass troll that tried to kill me was burnt to death." Bng: "We now go back to the story of the star-crossed lovers from Sen'nar." ManMan: "Sort of like Romio and Booliette. By booliette I mean boo this shit sucks!" Charles: "Mariya! If only I could see you again!" ManMan: "What if there was a way I said you could?" Charles: "Who are you? Do you know Mariya?" ManMan: "I'll guide you to her." ManMan takes out a knife. Charles: "What are you doing with that knife?!" ManMan: "I know where she is. She's in heaven. You'll see her when you die!" Charles: "Mariya! I'll see you aga..." ManMan stabs him to death before he can finnish and runs off towards a random hut. Bng: "Damn! This show will get such high ratings! Thanks ManMan!" It cuts to ManMan entering the hut. Gale: "Hey! I'm gale! Nice to meet you!" ManMan: "You don't happen to sell flutes, do you?" Gale: "Yes but my flutes are really useless." ManMan: "Oh. It can be useful, allow me to demonstrate it's power." ManMan grabs the flute and starts beating Gale's rabbit over the head. Gale: "No! Clover! I don't want to see you ever again!" ManMan: "Sorry. Clover just fell victim to the power of the flute." Gale: "Wow. You should really join band camp. I mean GET OUT!" It cuts to manMan standing in the west fields of Kimr's farm. He notices the condition of the apple tree and yells at a sleeping farm hand. ManMan: "Hey. Tell the guy who owns this dump to take better care of it!" ManMan grabbs an apple from the tree and enters the house. Kimr: "Hi. Do you want to help me kill weeds and ants?" ManMan: "Do it yourself you lazy farmer." Kimr: "I've got some beer in the fridge." ManMan: "I'll think about it." **task done: buy all of Vladia's shit! **task added: Maybe you should go buy some beer? What will await ManMan in the Land Of The Beer Goblins? Did I just spoil the next episode? Oh shit? Find out right here on The Story Of The Star-crossed lo... Bng: "Wrong show, mate." Find out next time on... If! Aardwolf! Wasn't! Realistic! Mariya: "Oh, Charles! Where for art thow Charles. Do I have to keep pretending to love him?" Bng: "No. He's dead and the show's over." Mariya: "Oh. Thanks. I need to get back to studying now. Sea ya, or should I say lake ya. This isn't really the ocean."
BF1G 4: Crushed **Hick* and Super Fuckin Drunk!!!
Thursday, March 8, 2018 @ 03:13
Ivar: "Sup, bitches? It's time for the elimination." Liber: "I wonder who will be eliminated. Dog cost us the challenge last episode but he one the challenge in the first episode." Dog: "Woof." Ayla: "Please! Stop breaking the fourth wall!" Peter: "This is exciting! I hope I'm safe!" Alice: "Indeed. Finding out who leaves is an exciting event. Unless the contestant eliminated is you." Ivar: "Well, Alice, you're about to find out who is eliminated. Woofiens, we got 2 votes this time." DarkCop: "Let's just get to who's outa here." Ivar: "Don't fucking rush me!" Alice: "So, who's safe?" Crivoght: "LAPORTA!" Alice: "That is odd." Bob: "Yeah dude! LaPorta's on the Shut Up Ninjas! We're not up for voting!" Ivar: "Bob. You're on the other team." Ivar tosses bob away from the elimination area. Ivar: "As I was saying, we got 2 votes. Vladia, Dog and Alice are all safe." Alice: "The notification that I am still allowed to participate is like music to my ears!" Ivar: "You will get music to your ears. The prises this time are sets of headphones." Ivar throws headphones at the safe contestants. Ivar: "Noegel, Claire and Peter are also safe." Peter: "Yay!" Ivar: "Same thing goes for Glimmer, whoever Glimmer is. Seriously, who the fuck is Glimmer?" Peter: "I don't know." Vladia: "You got me." Liber: "Must've missed that episode." Orcron: "Shut up! Shut up! All of you!" Ivar: "Anyway, DarkCop is also safe. Orcron, you got the equivalent amount of votes as the amount of combat maze fights Reltubydoc has won." Orcron: "And what the fuck is that number?!" Ivar: "It's also one less than the smallest perfect number." Orcron: "Just fucking tell me!" Ivar: "2. You are eliminated. LOLOLOL, if you were smart, you would know the answer is actually 0. I guess you're not so smart after all." Orcron: "I'm gonna kill you some day!" Liber: "Um, Orcron, Ivar's a god. You can't really kill him." Crivoght: "I'll be safe for LaPorta!" Ivar: "Well, Crivoght, you and Liber are tied for the most votes. The person eliminated will be the person who falls off the platform that just appeared out of nowhere." Liber: "LaPorta is down there." Crivoght: "Oh my god! LaPorta! I love you!" Crivoght jumps off the platform, landing on the ground below. Ivar: "That's settled. Crivoght, you're out of here." Crivoght: "Wait! LaPorta's chances of winning just increased?! Oh yeah! Go LaPorta! Yay! LaPorta's the best! You've got this! I love you! Go LaPorta! I really love you! Yay! Win for us!" Ivar throws Crivoght into the LOL with one hand, just to prove he is god. Ivar: "Ok. Today's challenge is to drink a ton of beer. The team who drinks the most beer will win immunity. The team that doesn't will get crushed by this motherfucking anvil." LaPorta: "Dish schood beh e she." Ivar: "Go." Peter: "I can't drink beer! I'm a kid!" DarkCop: "Don't sweat it. I've been drinking since I was 2. I didn't get in trouble once." Peter: "That's all I needed to hear!" DarkCop: "Quit whining and start drinking!" Maerchyng: "Um, I don't think it is healthy for a dog to drink beer." Chich: "But it's healthy for a dog to get humped!" Chich starts humping dog mercilessly! Starling: "I'm seriously thinking about banning you." LaPorta finnishes his 379th bottle of beer. 2 hours later... Ivar: "Time's up. Noone died so I won't have to take away any points. Woofins, you lost again it's time to get crushed." LaPorta: "Goat anny maw beer?" LaPorta runs in right before the anvil drops. Ivar drops the oversized anvil, crushing Woof and LaPorta. Ivar: "Whoops, I killed LaPorta." Readers, vote for either Claire, DarkCop, Orcron, Alice, Dog, Noegel, Peter, Liber or Vladia to leave the show by posting a personal note to Reltubydoc. Whoever receives the most votes will leave the show.
BF1G 3: Why the hell would you do this in a pool?!
Monday, February 19, 2018 @ 05:48
Ivar: "Ok bitches. It's time for the stariotypical surviver esk elimination thing." Snooky: "Wouldn't it be better to call it the SSEET?" Ivar: "Ok. Anyone have a better name?" Dog: "Woof." Liber: "Seriously dog? Your team is called woof." Peter: "Hurry up and choose a name for the thing or I'll kill you all!" Maerchyng: "Why don't we just call it the elimination?" Ivar: "Fine. The elimination it is." Dot Frog: "I know. We could call it the..." Snooky: "Ivar said nothing about non-contestants suggesting ideas! Now get out!" Snooky tries to hit DotFrog with his mace. However, dotFrog avoids the attack. Ivar: "Anyway. We got 1 vote. However, I feel like making it really suspenseful for no reason. The first 2 people safe at 0 votes are Starling and Bob. Here are your rewards." Ivar throws cookies at the safe contestants. Ivar: "Also safe, we have Maerchyng, LaPorta, Dahr and Pixie." Snooky: "Just hurry up and tell us who's out!" Ivar: "Don't rush me, yumbo dude." LaPorta: "Ish Berdyntun saffe?" Ivar: "Surprisingly, Bardington is safe." Liber: "Hold on. So now it's down to Snooky and Toneloc?" Ivar: "Liber, what are you doing here? You're on the other team." Ivar picks up Liber and tosses him at the members of Woof. Ivar: "So, as liber said, it's down to Snooky and Toneloc. It's either the pk troll or the literal troll going home. Queue dramatic and suspenseful background music." Ayla: "This is a note. There is no music in notes." Ivar: "Stop interrupting my show or I won't bang you tonight." Ayla: "Sorry. Continue." Ivar: "Toneloc... is... safe at 0 votes." Ivar throws a cookie at Toneloc and it lands in his face. Ivar: "How does it feel to be the victim"" Toneloc (while eating his cookie): "Not bad. I got a free cookie." Snooky: "Wait. That means... NO!" Ivar: "With 1 vote against you, Snooky, you are eliminated." Snooky: "No! You can't eliminate me! I need the gold for Aardult swim! Noooo!" Ivar throws Snooky into the LOL with 1 hand, just to prove he is god. Ivar: "Before I close the lid of the locker, I need to fix a mistake." Liber: "No! What are you doing? No! Anyone but him!" Ivar reaches in and grabs Chich from the LOL! Chich: "Hey guys. Does anyone need a hump?" Noegel: "Chiiiiiiich!" Chich: "Noeeeeegel!" Ivar: "Ok. That's enough from you chich." Liber: "Thank Ivar he didn't hump me." Ivar: "Today's challenge is to swim 10 laps of a pool. The last person to complete this task will cause their team to be punished." Liber: "And by "be punished," you mean lose a player." Ivar: "Shut up. Get in the pool." Everyone jumps into the pool accept dog. Ivar: ",What are you waiting for? Get in the pool." Dog: "No way man. I am not going anywhere near those fleas. I mean, Woof woof woof woof woof." Ivar pushes dog into the pool, which is now full of Noegel's fleas. Ivar: "Go." Peter (while treading water): "This is unfair! I'm only a kid! I can't swim as fast as the others!" DarkCop: "Shut up. You're starting to annoy me." Vladia: "I thought he was always annoying you." DarkCop: "Everyone. Shut up. I'm trying to fly." Liber: "Wouldn't that be breaking the rules?" DarkCop: "Yeah. I'm called DarkCop for a reason." Two hours later. Ivar: "It's all down to Bardington for the Shut Up Ninjas and Dog for the Woof Woofs." Claire: "Oh my god. That's like, not our team name." Dog: "Woof Woof." Orcron: "Damn it dog! You're not helping in the slightest you retard!" Bardington: "Roses are red. Violets are..." Dahr: "We don't have time for that! I don't look like I've got all day, do I?!" Dog stops swimming and takes a giant shit in the pool! Bardington (while swimming quickly to avoid the shit): "Roses are red, violets are blue! Dog just took a fucking poo!" Bardington finnishes his tenth lap. Ivar: "That's it. Woofsters, one of you is going away." LaPorta: "Shiiit isnqt all wize hentai." Ivar: "Vote on someone to go by sending reltubydoc a personal note."
If Aardwolf was not realistic 10!!!
Sunday, February 18, 2018 @ 02:38
ManMan enters the bakery and sees a motherfuckin rat at the counter! ManMan: "This is really unhygienic." Lerp: "Dirp dirp. I'm lerp and I slirp like a twirp!" ManMan: "This is the most sophisticated rat I've ever seen. That's a lot like being the tallest dwarf." Lerp: "Look. I know our race has been getting a bad rat lately. Ya know, because of the whole vermin thing and that one rat. What was his name? Ce phy ass?" ManMan: "Stop being a bully you douche ratbag!!" Lerp: "My apologies. What would you like?" ManMan: "I would like some cookies. It says that on my list." Lerp: "Oh. I can't read that. You see, although I am an educated talking rat, I can't read human writing. I write using the code used in that one book. What was it called? The amazing Mau..." ManMan: "Just give me the fucking cookies!" Lerp: "Coming right up. These cookies were specially made by Sara." ManMan: "Sara? Is that the name of a chick you had sex with?" Lerp: "Yes and no. She's not a chick. She's a slaker." ManMan: "What. Is that a combination of a slut and a baker?" Lerp: "Pretty much. Now get out." Lerp gives a batch of Sara's cookies to ManMan! Lerp: "The grocer is next door." ManMan: "How'd you know I had to go there? You can't..." Lerp: "Get out!" Grizrol takes ManMan into the grocer. Grizrol: "Do you want something?" ManMan: "I don't want anything but I need a water skin to progress the plot." Claire: "Like, stop breaking the 4th wall!" ManMan: "I do what I want you slainer!" Lerp: "Is that a combination of slut and trainer?" ManMan: "Yes. Now get out." Grizrol: "Here's your water skin." Grizrol gives a useless water skin to ManMan. ManMan also buys a vial of griffin blood and a scroll he can't use. Gueldar: "Hey. Want some armor?" ManMan: "Yeah. The armor set that that trainer fill or pill gave to me sucks." Gueldar: "Filt? Yeah his armor is better than mine." ManMan: "How are you still in business?" Gueldar: "I don't know. Do you want some armor or not?" ManMan: "No!" Gueldar starts sobbing uncontrollably! ManMan: "But I need a jerkin." Gueldar: "Ok. Coming up." ManMan starts singing, offkey and loudly. ManMan: "Gueldar Devill, Gueldar Devill. If he sucks at making armor, his kids probably will." Gueldar: "Stop making references to 101 Sanctities Of Eternal Damnation!" ManMan (while taking the jerkin): "That's not even the name of the movie!" Gueldar: "That's not even my last name." Gueldar's mother bursts through the door. Gueldar's mother: "Gueldar Devill! Stop sucking! You're a discrase to the entire Devill family!" Gueldar: "Damn it Mom! I told you to stay in the weapon shop!" ManMan: "Why would she listen to someone like you, Gueldar Devill?" Gueldar's mom introduces herself,, revealing that her name is xena and she sells dirks and other weapons. ManMan: "Well, I really need a dirk." Xena: "Ok. Coming right up." Xena: "Psst. I'm not gueldar's real mother. His father forced me to adopt him because he hated him so much." ManMan: "Want me to kill him? The world would be a better place if he was dead." Xena: "Ok. Just don't sacrifice the corpse." ManMan decapitates Gueldar and loots his corpse, leaving it on the ground. Xena takes out a blade and swiftly makes a meal out of his corpse. ManMan: "See ya. Wouldn't wanna be ya." ManMan has 2 things left to buy! But will it be that easy? Find out next time on... "If! Aardwolf! Wasn't! Realistic!"
Thursday, February 15, 2018 @ 02:58
From now on, voting will last until I make an new episode.
BF1G trailer: "Why Would You Do This In A Pool?!"
Thursday, February 8, 2018 @ 05:39
Ivar: "Hey Bitches. Here's a trailer. Crivoght: "Damn it! I wanted to be on LaPorta's team!" Vladia: "Well, he's really lucky." Ivar: "I'm going to do something now." Ivar lifts the lid of the LOL. Liber: "Wait! Ivar! What are you doing? No!" Ivar: "Just fixing a mistake I made." Dog: "You have got to be woofing kidding." Ivar: "Get in the pool. Battle For 1 Gold coming relatively soon, I guess.
Re: Note Ignore ++
Wednesday, February 7, 2018 @ 03:39
Reply to: Note 39045 posted by Trurien It's cool trurien. I just thought that you were addressing my content since you posted the note right after I posted my last note in the jokes forum. Rel :)
Re: Note Ignore
Wednesday, February 7, 2018 @ 03:31
Reply to: Note 39043 posted by Trurien I believe that this would be a great improvement to the ignore feature. Even if you are ignoring someone, they are still able to note spam you, making the ignore kinda worthless. I would like to see this implemented into the ignore function. Sorry if I'm annoying you with this note. You'd probably want to ignore it. :) Reltubydoc.
Bf1g 2, "Do That Shit In The Toilet!"
Wednesday, February 7, 2018 @ 02:25
Chich: Darkcop! Darkcop! DarkCop: "What do you want? I'm trying to quash the law." Chich: "Are you even a cop?" DarkCop: "Yeah. I'm DarkCop!" Chich: "Well, you're not like other cops?" DarkCop: "What the heck are you saying?" Chich: "um... I humped Liber?" A flashback plays where Liber screams as Chich humps him! Liber arrives from the west. Liber: "Yeah. I'm still scarred, Chich. Don't do it again." It cuts to Snooky and Tzadkiel. Tzadkiel: "What are you doing? This kitteh wants to know." Snooky: "Oh. I'm raising funds for the Protect Dot Frog campaign." Tzadkiel: "Ok. I'll donate some gold." noegel: "But you don't have gold." Tzadkiel: "Oh yeah. I have some flees though." Dog, who was at Snooky's feet, runs away in terror! Bardington: "Roses are red and so are these." Bardington holds up a bowl of apples. Bardington: "Where the hell did you get these flees?" Flees run all over everyone, being really annoying. Noegel: "I gave them to her." Vladia: "I need one of those apples pls!" Bardington: "Roses are red, your not getting any!" Ivar: "Um, that doesn't rhyme, bitch." Orcron: "Shut the hell up, shit head!" Ivar: "Well, 8 characters have been chosen to join the game." Maerchyng: "But only 6 new characters are here." LaPorta: "Wherewh hick*where r teh othor tow?" Peter: "Give me the one gold right now! Now I say!" DarkCop: "Damn it. I thought Orcron was a douche." Starling: "Sorry I'm late, Ninjas. I was banning Reltubydoc." Snooky: "Yo, Starling. What's up?" Ivar: "Well, now we have a decent cast, we can start." Maerchyng: "What teams are they on?" Ivar: "Joining dog's team, we have: Liber, Noegel, Peter, Alice and DarkCop. This means, Chich, Snooky, Starling, Bardington and..." Toneloc: "I'm here!" Ivar: "And Toneloc will join team 2." Liber: "This team needs a good name that isn't dumb." Alice: "Do any of my pears have any ideas?" Dog: "Woof! Woof woof woof." Ivar: "I can't translate that name so I'll just call your team, "Woof." And team 2's name is?" Snooky: "I've got a great name that could help everyone!" Bardington: "Roses are red, violets are blue. Our team should be called," Starling: "Shut up, ninja." A sign that reads, "Shut up ninja," appears. Ivar: "Now, we have our teams, being Woof and The Shut Up Ninjas." Claire: "Like, what's the first challenge?" Snooky: "Yeah. Hate to be pushy but we want to start competing." Ivar: "Fine. Then, today's challenge is to take a shit because Rel is lazy." Dog: "This should be a pretty easy win for me." Dog takes a giant, steamy shit on the ground and barks. Alice: "Well, that was disgusting, but we still won." Ivar: "Yes, you did. So, vote for either: Chich, Starling, Bardington, Snooky or Toneloc to leave." Toneloc: "Hey. Our teams smaller than the other one." Ivar: "Well, to fix that, Chich will leave before he humps anyone." Chich: "No!" Chich screams as Ivar flings him into the Locker Of Losers!" Reltubydoc: "Vote by posting a note to me in the Personal forum! Whoever receives the most votes will leave the show! Voting ends in 2 weeks."
If Aardwolf Was Not Realistic 9!!!
Saturday, February 3, 2018 @ 21:31
ManMan is standing in the treasury, whistling a jaunty tune. Vladia: "Noone wants to hear your whistling." ManMan: "Well I don't want to hear your voice. Just tell me things. I want to graduate and get my free beer." Vladia: "Ok. First, I would like you to auction this leaflet." ManMan: "How much do you think I'll get for a useless piece of paper?" Vladia: "About 1,000,000 gold. However I am forced to take 10% of that gold so Claire can buy her precious little cookies." ManMan looks at the leaflet, seeing that there are some words on it. ManMan: "Apparently this leaflet is used to kill newbies?" Vladia stares in shock at the leaflet. Nie: "That's what you get for burying me under a pile of coins." Vladia: "Never mind. Just auction it damn it." The leaflet gets sold for 1000000 gold ?100000 gold for Claire's cookies. Vladia: "Ok. Now you need to buy some things. They are located somewhere." ManMan: "What are these "things" that I need to give you?" Vladia: "A waterskin, an apple, some cookies, a scroll, some blood, a flute, a dirk and a jerkin. I need them for something secret." ManMan: "Well I'm not buying your shit for you, ok?" Vladia: "Well if you want to graduate, you have to." ManMan: "Fine. The free beer is too much to resist." Vladia: "Speaking of free beer, you should also buy me some beer." ManMan: "Nope." ManMan runs out of the classroom. Vladia: "Screw you, Man." ManMan: "It's ManMan, Woman!" **task done: get a reasonable amount of gold. Nie is waiting outside the academy. Nie: "I'll help you get all that stuff if you help me leave the academy without being buried under another pile of gold." ManMan: "I think being buried would be better. Sea ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!" Will ManMan succeed in bying all of Vladia's crap? Will Nie ever escape the academy? Is Orcron actually dead? Find out next time on... If! Aardwolf! Wasn't! Realistic!"
Battle For 1 Gold
Saturday, February 3, 2018 @ 04:43
Claire: "Oh my god, like Vladia! What's up?" Vladia: "Not much, Claire." Claire: "Like, did you see Orcron fall into like, that random tub of Acid?" Glimmer: "Yeah! And it was hilarious." vladia: "Shut up, Glimmer. You already got the satisfaction of pushing him into the acid." Claire: "Oh my god. I agree with my, like, bfffl." Vladia: "I thought Crivoght was your best female friend for life." Claire: "Oh my god. I completely forgot about her." Orcron: "God, you're stupid!" Maerchyng: "There's no reason to be so rude, Orcron." Dog: "Woof." Orcron: "Dog, we should've left you at the WTC! Ya know what, we should've put you down!" Dog: "HAVE YOU EVER TRIED SPELLING DOG BACKWARDS? BECAUSE THAT's THE OPPOSITE OF YOU, PEASANT!" Maerchyng: "What was that, dog? Did you want to say something?" Vladia: "He's a dog. He can't talk." Orcron: "Shut up, Old Man! We know that!" Bob The Priest Dude enters. Btpd: "Yo, dudes and dudettes! What's up?" LaPorta: *hick* noot moch. Cri * crivoght's stiil stallking meh." Maerchyng: "LaPorta. I didn't see you there." Crivoght dashes into the room from out of nowhere. Claire: "Oh my like, god! Hey Criv!" Crivoght: "Hey claire. Do you know where the love of my life is?" Claire: "Oh, like, LaPorta? He's right there." LaPorta: "Get tHaat thyng awayy from meh! Bohb, doh sumthyng!" Bob: "Ya got it, dude!" Bob casts Angel Breath, putting Crivoght to sleep. Meanwhile, Alice is trying to help Bardington write a poem. Bardington: "Roses are red, violets are purple." Alice: "No offence, fellow Bard, but in these sorts of poems, the phrase is "roses are red, violets are blue," not what you said. Just giving you advice." Bardington: "But violets aren't blue. They're purple." Meanwhile, Dahr and LT. Pixie are in the war preparation room. LT. Pixie: "Remember, Dahr. You get payed for commanding the soldiers." Dahr: "Yes Sir! You get payed for treating the wounded!" LT Pixie. "I'll let that one slide." Dahr. "Yes Mam!" LT. Pixie: "We need one more gold to reach 1,000,000!" Ivar arrives through a portal. Ivar: "You're in luck then." Dahr: "How are we in luck, sir?" Ivar: "Well, after I came back from death, I got really bored. So I thought I'd start a battle. A battle for 1 gold." LT. Pixie: "Are we fighting for something else as well?" Ivar: "Yes. But it's so amazing, I can't put it in the show's title." Ivar peers around himself intently. Everyone else appears out of nowhere. Ivar: "Great. We have enough players now. I will now form 2 teams of 5. Crivoght, Claire, Orcron, Dog and Vladia are on one team. LaPorta, Bob, Maerchyng, Pixie and Dahr are on the other team. Now, if you want anyone else to join, send reltubydoc a tell." Ayla: "Please don't break the forth wall, Ivar." Ivar: "I'm hosting, Ayla. I do what I want." Maerchyng: "Ivar is right. This is a small cast. More people won't hurt." Orcron: "Getting rid of you by force will hurt, dumbass!" Ivar: "Everyone.. Be quiet." What will happen next? Why is this ending really boring? Find out next time on... Battle! For! 1! Gold! Send Reltubydoc a tell if you want to recommend a character that should join the show and what team they should join. Orcron: "And make sure it's a tell or I'll murder you!"
ventriloquate and create sound in help samespells
Saturday, January 27, 2018 @ 02:03
Hi. i noticed that the mage spell, ventriloquaate and the psi spell, create sound, are not listed under help samespells. I believe that they should be listed, since they do pretty much the same thing. If there is something I'm missing, I'm sorry for being so stupid. Reltubydoc :)
Re: DarkCop: The season premire!
Saturday, January 20, 2018 @ 23:54
Reply to: Note 25 posted by Snooky Thanks for letting me be a guest star in the newest episode of Dark Cop.
Re: lost episode and anouncement +
Saturday, January 20, 2018 @ 23:48
Reply to: Note 33 posted by Biker forget what I said about the lost episode. It's note 20 on the jokes board. However, do not forget that I'm no longer on holidays so I won't be able to keep to a posting schedule or post as frequently. Thanks.
lost episode and anouncement
Saturday, January 20, 2018 @ 18:53
I seem to have lost my newest episode of If Aardwolf was not realistic. I posted it but now I can't find it on jokes. So I will just have to recap the episode in this note. "Oh my god! Please like stop breaking the like fourth wall!" Shut the hell up and let me recap, Claire! Anyway, Maerchyng, claire and dahr were in the ofice when they started breaking the fourth wall and talking about manMan and Filt's trip to the bar. Lad, who is alive again now, came in and said some weird shit about being on another show. ManMan returned from the bar and entered the treasury. Vladia, the treasurer, told him that she buried a guy under a giant pile of coins for stealing from the vault, which caused everything to go from 1 to holy shit in about 2 seconds. And That's what you missed on If Aardwolf Was Not Realistic. I just want to say that episodes will be less frequent now that I'm no longer on holidays. I will still make episodes when I can but it won't be scheduled any more. So you'll never know when episodes come out but I hope you still enjoy the series. Until next time, keep on killing things.
If Aardwolf Was Not Realistic 8!!!
Saturday, January 13, 2018 @ 19:32
Clayre and Dahr are in maerchyng's ofice. "What is it that you two want? I am a busy man, so please make it quick." "Sir! ManMan and filt have left the academy, sir!" "Oh, they'll be back. I see that they've taken a trip to the bar. There's nothing to worry about. And you, Claire?" "Oh my god. I just want to ask why are we still in the like academy after like 8 episodes? It's getting like boring." "Claire, could you please do us a favor and not break the fourth wall again?" "Oh my god, sorry, Mr. Maerchyng!" "But to answer your question, the first season is mainly manMan's journey through our wonderful Academy." "If I may, lad you just broke the fourth wall, lad!" Lad fades into existence! "Oh my god, lad! I thought I like killed you and like you died! How are you back and why do you keep like saying your name?" "Oh well, lad, there's a thing called coming back to life, lad." "You mean a repop, right?" "That's what I meant, lad Maerchyng." "I am assuming that Claire killed you and after a repop, you came back, right?" "You are right, la uh, I mean Sir." "Anyway, I should go, lads! I have to star in another series, lad!" "Like what do you like, mean?" Lad fades out of existence and manMan and filt return to the academy." "Ok, man *hick* manMan, go to the treasury now." "Ok, you crazy drunk armorer." When manMan enters the treasury, the first thing he sees is a giant pile of gold coins with legs sticking out." "What happened here? Did someone animate this pile of gold?" Vladia looks up once she hears the question. "Oh, no. I'm not a psi. I'm just the vault guard." "Then explain the legs sticking out of the frickin pile of coins!" "Oh. That's just Nieh." "Nie? Is that your imaginary friend or something?" "No. He's a guy who tried to steal from the vault." "Oh so you killed him and buried him under a pile of coins, right?" "No. I buried him alive." "That just went from 0 to holy crap in about 2 seconds." **task done: go to the bar with filt. **task added: get a reasonable amount of gold. What will await manMan in the treasury? Is this outro getting old? Could someone give me suggestions for a new outro if it is getting old? How much gold do pieces of paper get sold for? Find out on the next episode of... If! Aardwolf! Wasn't! Realistic!
If Aardwolf Was Not Realistic 7!!!
Friday, January 5, 2018 @ 21:45
ManMan stands outside the academy armory. "Hello! I need free stuff!" Several loud crashes are heard from within the armory, followed by loud swearing. "Ok. I'll just come in without permission." The recruiter appears before manMan. "Yeah. That's a great idea. Noone will kill you." "I don't have time for your crap today, moron. Unless you are giving me beer or free stuff, I don't care what you have to say." "Now listen here, man." "My name is manMan, not man but I'll let it slide." "Stop interrupting me!" "Actually, you're the one interrupting me." "Shut up and let me speak." "Ok fine. I'll let you give me a boring lecture." `i just want to tell you that the guy in there is crazy." "So is practically everyone in this academy. Bye!" "But hes really..." ManMan stops listening to the recruiter and enters the armory. A large, round, metal shield flies across the room and almost hits manMan in the head. "Ah! What the hell was that?!" "Oh flying dog crap! Sorry about that." "I wanted free armor not a free headache." "Look. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to alphabetize my armor, ok?" "Well I need some armor and some training so stop doing that and teach me." The armorer picks up the shield and puts it next to some leather boots. "Oh ok. Btw, the name's Filt." Filt teaches manMan all the random crap that he needs to know about equipment. "Ok. Now that you know everything, here's some armor." "Finally. I've be waiting 2 hours." "Well there you go. Also, do you wanna go to the pub?" "Hell yes." "Let's get drunk mate!" What will await manMan at the pub? Will he ever go back to the academy? Will I ever start making better endings to these episodes? "Well you won't start breaking the fourth wall, will you?" Find out next time on... If! Aardwolf! Wasn't! Realistic!
IAWnr anouncement (weekly episodes)
Saturday, December 30, 2017 @ 20:37
As some of you may know, I released a new episode of If Aardwolf Was Not Realistic yesterday. This was the first episode in a while. I want to keep posts as consistant as possible,, so from now on, I will post one episode per week. Also, I may be adding a bit more vulgarity to the series. I learned that you can get away with using vulgarity on the joke board, thanks to Wars. So, you may see a bit more cursing in the series from now on. I hope you enjoy the changes to the series. If not, reply to this note with your complaints and I'll sort it out. So until next time, keep on killing things.
Re: Aardwolf G.O.A.T. Examination.
Saturday, December 30, 2017 @ 20:14
1. d. It's an easy quest so I wouldn't hesitate. She'll come back after a repop. 2. It's hard but I'd have to say a. I could try and talk them out of it but in the end, it's their choice not mine. 3. d. I've only competed in a few global quests and have never won any of them. I also know that people have won hundreds or even thousands of gq's. I know that a lot of people are a lot better than me. 4. c I've never won in opk. However, to me, it feels right to show your killer you recognise their skill. 5. a. It's almost like the decision is obvious. Thanks for the test.
If Aardwolf was Not Realistic 6!!!
Friday, December 29, 2017 @ 22:20
Orcron stomps into Maerchyngs ofice. "What the heck do you want, fool?" "First of all, don't call me a fool. Second, you almost killed another student. You're fired!" "No! I promice I won't poison anyone else!" "It's a bit too late for that now." "No! I can explain! Please! Please!" Don't fire me!" Maerchyng waves his hands and teleports Orcron into an active volcano! "Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!" Orcron is pulled into the magma and is burnt to death! Meanwhile, the recruiter is knocking on the door of the emergency room. "Come in damn it." The door bursts open and the recruiter steps in. "What do you want?" "You remind me of my younger self. I was also a total jerk." "What are you talking about?" "Just go to the armory and get equiped. It's where your next lesson is." **task done: survive Orcron's class and get him fired. **task added: get equiped for protection against idiots like Orcron. What will await manMan in the armory? Is the recruiter as much of a jerk as he seems to be? Find out on the next episode of... If! Aardwolf! Wasn't! Realistic! Also, the Christmas special has been canceled. Sorry.