The Gaardian Aardwolf Notes Archive

display all notes from
on the board
between and
containing the phrase

BF1G 8: War Of The Wizards... and other classes!!!
Note #70
posted on Jokes
Sunday, May 13, 2018 @ 03:43
Last time on Battle For 1 Gold:
Ivar told everyone to be ready for the 
double elimination. Chich explained his hatred towards Liber 
(which wasn't known until now)
and Ivar found a bunch of screws offscreen. 
Peter was eliminated with the most votes and 
Orcron and Liber tied with the second most votes, resulting in the 
second tiebreaker challenge of the season. 
Then, Ivar revealed that one eliminated contestant would leave the 
locker of losers and rejoin the competition. 
Who will rejoin? How will this event effect the game?
Do any of these people even deserve to rejoin? 
Anyway, Ivar is yet to tell the contestants still in the game 
and Orcron's shield has a bunch of screws poking out of it. 

And That's what you missed on Battle For 1 Gold.

Claire: "Oh my, like, god! What is, like, taking him so long?"
Dark Cop: "Just be patient." 
Liber: "She has a point. Normally," 
Chich (who rudely interrupts Liber): 
"Ivar gives us a challenge right after eliminating someone." 
Liber: "Thanks for finnishing my sentence." 
Chich: "Sorry. I'm still a little bit pissed at you." 
Noegel: "Wow. If it's for the same reason as last episode," 
Toneloc: "Nothing. You said all that fourth wall stuff to Ivar, not Noegel." 
Noegel: "As I was saying, that was a long time ago, Chiiiiiich. Let it go." 
Noegel shrieks as Chich grabs her from behind and begins to hump! 
Maerchyng: "We should really help her. She's kinda getting vialated."
Toneloc: "I'll save her! Sharp Dagger activate!"
A dagger appears in Toneloc's hand and he starts moving towards Chich.
Chich: "Oh humpahole! I don't want to die again!" 
Toneloc: "Too bad! You humped Noegel and I really want to kill someone!"
Starling: "Calm down, ninja. Noegel's been humped many times in the past." 
Toneloc: "Well, I still want to kill someone." 
Dog: "Woof!" 
Toneloc: "There's an easy target! Let's hope PETA isn't watching this!" 
Vladia: "They're not watching."
Toneloc: "That's all I needed to hear!" 
Toneloc's stab does unbelievable things to Dog (84397)!
Dog staggers and falls to the ground... dead!
Liber: "Well, PETA may not have been watching but the RSPCA sure was."
Toneloc: "Why the nopk clan didn't you tell me?!"
Vladia: "I was going to but you had to murder that cute little animal."
Some crazy shit happens and everyone comes back to life! 
Ivar: "Good news, contestants." 
Bardington: "Roses are rallenge. Is it time for the challenge?"
Ivar: "Nope. But 1 eliminated contestant will be rejoining the game." 
Claire: "Like, it's totally gonna be my BFFFL, Criv!"
Vladia: "It is obviously gonna be Dahr." 
Toneloc: "Well it's obviously not gonna be Orcron."
Ivar opens the lid of the LOL. 
Ivar: "Well, as you know, 1 of you will rejoin the competition. 
So let's get down to business." 
Dog raises his hind leg and takes a shit. 
Ivar: "That's not what I meant." 
Dahr: "Sir,! Tell us who's rejoining, sir!"
Ivar: "Well, Alice did not get any votes, meaning she will 
not rejoin."
Alice: "Oh well, I wish good luck to everyone else."
Ivar: "Peter, since your elimination was so recent, 
you did not get any votes either. I'm sorry."
peter: "Damn it! I really wanted to come back!"
Ivar: "The next person not rejoining is...
Crivoght: "Oh no! Can I at least see LaPorta before you shut the lid?"
Ivar: "No." 
Ivar puts a blindfold over Crivoght's eyes. 
Ivar: "Dahr, despite your command, you did not receive enough votes either." 
Dahr: "But my team needs me! Who will command them, keep them 
under control, lead them to victory?!"
Ivar: "Aren't you going to say sir to finnish that sentence?"
Dahr: "No sir!"
Ivar: "Snooky and Orcron. You are now 
the only possible returnies." 
Snooky: "Come on, man. I was eliminated first. 
The viewers obviously voted for me."
Ivar: "One of you got all 3 of the votes. The other got nothing."
Orcron: "It seriously better be me! Why would you vote for Snooky?! 
He was only on the show for 2 episodes!" 
Snooky: "Well, I think the viewers have had enough of your attitude.
Because, my (sensered racial slur), you're just an
ass hole trainer who doesn't care for the wellbeing of others. 
No wonder you got voted off."
Ivar: "Snooky rejoins the competition." 
Snooky: "Sweet!" 
DarkCop: "It's my lucky day. The only decent person in the LOL was the one who
came back." 
Snooky: "What's up my (sensered racial slur)?
Orcron: "No! I cannot believe that stupid
(sensered racial slur) joined over me!"
Ivar: "Ok. Today's challenge is about killing, survival, and not being a 
stupid little (sensered racial slur), something that Orcron would 
have trouble with."
Snooky: "Stop stealing my jokes or I'll call you a (sensered racial slur)!"
Ivar: "Anyway, we're gonna start a war. 
Ivar: "The last person standing will win for his or her team."
Snooky: "Wait, which team am I on?" 
Ivar: "You'll find out later. For now, just relax.
You will not be participating in this challenge."
Ivar transports everyone to the war zone.
Ivar: "Go."
Chich chants the phrase "I will hump you!"
Chich's humplust does unbelievable things to claire (78,903)! 
Chich starts humping Claire so hard that she dies! She is dead!
Chich humps the vialated corpse of Claire until it decomposes!
Noegel: "Ok, Mr. Bard Wannabe. You're going down!"
Bardington: "Yeah. I guess I am." 
Noegel: "Seriously? You're supposed to be angry and stuff."
Bardington starts reciting a verse from a really crappy poem he wrote!
Bardington's poetry does unbelievable things to Noegel (65,347)!
Noegel is at death's door!
Noegel eats Bardington, killing him and restoring her health to
Maerchyng: "Do I really have to do this?"
Bob: "Yeah, Dude! That is, unless you want to be put on the chopping block!"
Maerchyng: "Ok. If you say so."
Maerchyng's shroud of flame does unbelievable things to 
Bob The Priest Dude (135,791)!
Bob sacrifices the burning corpse of BTPD to Ayla!
A few hours later... 
DarkCop: "Ok. I guess it's me and you you (sensered racial slur)!"
Maerchyng: "Bring it on." 
DarkCop's stab nicks Maerchyng (5)!
Maerchyng: "Seriously?" 
DarkCop's stab hits Maerchyng (13)!
DarkCop's stab injures Maerchyng (18)!
DarkCop's stab scars Maerchyng (12)! 
11 hours later...
DarkCop's stab malls Maerchyng (20)! 
Maerchyng is at death's door!
Maerchyng chants the phrase "full restore!"
Maerchyng heals himself! 
Maerchyng is in perfect health! 
Ivar: "Just finnish the war already! Someone please just die!" 
DarkCop: "Hey Maerchyng! Someone burnt down the Academy!" 
Maerchyng: "How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes! Got nowhere to run!
The night goes,"
DarkCop's decapitation does unbelievable things to Maerchyng (2,354,786)!
Ivar: "DarkCop wins for the woofity woofers!"
Snooky: "Ok, now can you tell me which team I'm on?"
Ivar: "Well, you're now on Team Woof!"
So, viewers, vote for either
Chich, Starling, Bardington, Bob, LaPorta, Toneloc, Pixie or Maerchyng
to be eliminated! Vote 1 of them right now or Snooky might call you a 
(sensered racial slur)!
Maybe that should've been the episode title.